ʈhe word according to eric

old fwiends: just the eight of us

2011-08-27T21:05:00.001+08:00

I honestly think this is one of the best photos I have ever taken, and I really miss this bunch of friends (and each of us kinda sacrificed a prior plan just for that night). Of course, that night was entirely Melvyck's and Mallery's credit. Somehow it really felt as if we were celebrating a birthday hahaha. And what I really like about this photo - as Yong Cheng/Jacky has pointed out - is the genuine state of happiness as reflected in the photo (and I think someone shot back: "of course it gotta be genuine we are not hypocrites hahaha").

We - JC classmtes who attended different JCs - have come pretty far since 2004, and it is pretty amusing to see how our conversations have evolved over time. Yes we do revisit those mindless gossips (same old suspects and characters) and conversations on how school drains lives, but unknowingly we have moved to politics, employment, health and sustainability. We cannot help but wonder if we have truly matured or are we being pushed out into the cold and face up to reality. Yet, for all these pondering and discussion, we all know that at least each of us has the privilege of having 7 other people for company and comfort. Always.

(And I still cannot believe that Terrance's plan for crab has been going on forever. Who is my real classmate?!)

I bet mel must be thinking how many pints of erdinger he should order at grandma's hahaha

after a failed attempt, this looks decently honest. and now we know this will appear on someone's wedding invitation card someday somehow hahaha

mal's idea to leave amelia a love note: 生意兴隆"

mel: "and YC, I refuse to call you Jacky because it sounds so gay."

Jacky and Jie Lin: the champions on politics, employment and nonsense

mal: "he's a very good friend who knows me well enough and will not be judgmental on my actions." (which explains why i didn't bother expressing any sense of surprise over her shopping spoils HAHAHA)

just the six of us, with one giving tuition and another. . . in australia

OTHER FUNNY QUOTES (which may not make any sense but this is us)

"Of course he has an event or presentation that's why he is wearing a tie what! Now you make me lose that specialness: why are you wearing a tie?"

-Mallery, on the correlation between specialness and questions asked.

"Chenchao: Friends are supposed to complement each other's shortcomings, no?

Sk: Yeah, just like how I compensate your lack of height right?

Cc: Same like how I make up for your low IQ level.

Sk: Hahahaha so what you prefer to be taller or smarter?

Cc: I actually rather be taller."

-A conversation between sk and chenchao over skype

A lightsabre is warm because it always emit a "warm...warm...warm" sound whenever it is in motion!

-Jacky, on whether is a lightsabre cold or hot.

I am pretty much amazed that we are still friends with Jacky and we have yet to murder him after 7 years. I wonder how his family feels about him. Or perhaps they have given up hope on him hahahaha.

-Sk, reflecting on the mystery how Jacky gets away with every single joke he produces.

Eh you all are so mean! First sk forgot to tag me in his heartwarming g10 note. Then mel forgot mw in the grpchat. NOW Jielin you forgot me toooo!! -pouts- SOME friends hahahahhaha

-Mallery, on how she is always being forgotten (this time, check in at Grandma's on Facebook).

Hahaha The Sad Tales of Ms Leong.

-Melvyck, always unsympathetic to our close friend.

859

2011-05-28T04:35:00.000+08:00

I chanced upon this video on Youtube, and it reminded me how a lecturer tried to elaborate on the concept of Soft Power, albeit from a Sino-centric perspective.

For entertainment, I think this is so much better.

For G10

2011-05-26T03:08:00.002+08:00

To G10, with Love

As she sat down, Mallery went: "How many other Pre-University Seminar groups are still meeting like we do? It's really rare and amazing!"

Indeed, it is true. My friends are pretty astonished to know that my pre-u sem group (G10) still hangs out together every once in a while. To put it bluntly, we have different social circles and our path do not really cross. Think about it. All of us are from different junior colleges, and the only thing we have in common is that we spent one week together in Block 10 in Prince George's Park. It is really quite an achievement that we are still in active contact.

Perhaps the number of times we met as a collectivity is countable, but we have been staying strong for the past years. Admittedly, sometimes we do end up gossiping about the same old stuff (odd couple, Jacky's English Camp, Operation Last Supper etc) but it is old jokes like these which never fail to make us tickle. After all, what happened in June 2004 is the common memory and heritage that we share as a small community.

But we are more than that. We always have fresh conversations, and (sometimes) new adventures. Take for the Taiwan trip that I had with Chong Heng and Amelia (never mind that I was the light bulb). Or the conversation about politics, religion and relationships. We are not a group which keeps on refreshing old memories. If anything, we are a group that sincerely cares for one another and has no problem chilling out together.

This brings to the million dollar question: How do we sustain our friendship? Frankly, I have no clue. It is not because we hang out very often. As Mallery pointed out, the number of times we meet up is actually quite within count (though I must add, it is not indicative of the strength of our group). More importantly, even if someone take the initiative to organise a get-together, we could always decline. And sadly, this has happened to some who have left the group. Without the willingness to meet up, any attempt to organise a gathering will definitely fail spectacularly.

I believe it has something to do with what Jie Lin has highlighted as the most salient quality in a relationship, and that is connection. At least for me, I do feel very comfortable with each and every one in the group. In fact, I do view our group as a family. It is heartening to see that we are always there to support one another, and being ever willing to pour our hearts out without much hesitation. Or, to even have a vacation together. If we are not a family, then I do not know what this is.

We have grown and matured over the years, and there are bound to be some changes within us. For example, Amelia and Jie Lin stopped wearing glasses and Mallery's straight hair is a matter of the past. But one thing never change, like how Melvyck continues to correct Jacky. That is the essence of our relationship - free, happy and always supportive.

So, here is to our good friendship. Cheers.

And oh, did I mention how blessed I am to have you guys?

-

And oh, before I forget, here is the quote of the night:

"I was sitting behind Melvyck's car." (Loh, Jacky, 2011).

Truly a stroke of a genius. Jacky is indeed a class of his own.

Humiliation

2011-05-23T02:44:00.001+08:00

I do not wish to discuss the context of what happened, but do allow me to express what I have been thinking for the past few months.

I have been keeping my silence for the past semester, and on occasions I have defended the parties involved. I do not deny of my culpability in the incident, but I have never sullied the name or reputation of any one. In fact, I delivered my best wishes and went into a self-imposed exile. To put it bluntly, it is no longer my business to care. Nor do I have any right to be concerned. I do not wish to make things difficult for anyone and, more importantly, I am not belligerent to anyone. I am contended with my own concentration in life.

Nevertheless, one can detect the change in tone after the incident. The veil of blind faith is being lifted, and any residual goodwill has evaporated. Personally, I am fine with the changes. It is not a big deal. I believe I could survive in meritocracy, and I will be able to do whatever I am expected to do. And no matter how ugly things unfold, I have faith in the mechanics of liberalism in making cooperation possible for both friends and foes. Or so I thought.

I wish to hold my words, but pardon me it is impossible after accumulating such dissatisfaction over a semester. On surface, the words used bear no malice. But the diction - that is, the choice of words used - cuts deep. Deliberate or subconscious, it reveals the inherent distrust and desire to disassociate any possible link between the contracting parties. Not only would one feel the distancing effect, but a sharp, piercing sting. Those who have heard the conversations in full agreed that they were bewildering.

It is not that I have nothing better to do, or any ambition to fulfill. I could spare myself the humiliation, or at least the complexity. At this stage, I rather awkward silence to prevail than a less-than-satisfactory public relations exchange. I understand that the task at hand is important, but I do believe in handling the human relations aspect. What is the point of learning Maslow's theory of motivation and hierarchical needs when you do not practice it? Perhaps it is unnecessary if you are dealing with friends, but you definitely need to understand the sensitivity when dealing with colleagues. If I may add, even friends will get pissed off with each other in the course of work.

I remembered back in National Service, my supervisors told me it is okay to make mistakes so long we learn from it. Question is, how many of us do that? How often do we not victimize ourselves, and persuade ourselves that the matter screwed up because of other factors and scenarios and never because of us? Such perception cloud our judgment, and often we ended up being deluded beings.

In the matters of operations planning and execution, there are preparations to be made. If there is any knowledge or skill lacking, learn it. No one is born knowing everything. And even if you are an expert in a certain domain, there is a constant need to update your understanding. If you call yourself an expert in Middle East affairs, your knowledge should not be stuck in the Gulf Wars era. I believe if one is willing to learn and the sincere heart, then nothing else should really matters.

Conversely, if the person is not doing anything constructive, then it is a matter of time before he or she gets the boot. Point is, the most knowledgeable or ablest person may not be the best to get a task done. It is one thing to be task-oriented, and another issue to make sure the task is executed in a smooth fashion. To get too hung up over mission and disregarding the heart is a failed attempt in itself.

I have searched my conscience, and I am dare to say in this incident, I have done no injustice to anyone. I tried to retain whatever good that were formerly in my possession, but the other actors decided otherwise. I seek out the Truth, but I received a cover-up which is borne with good intentions. What upsets me is that my thoughts were being assumed under a realist paradigm, without any attention to how different I could be according to one's personal understanding. I believe if I have been approached personally, all these misunderstandings could have been avoided. While theoretically how I feel is inconsequential, the decision to avoid using a constructivist approach shows a sore lack of comprehension on the man in question.

In all aspects of life, one needs to win the hearts and minds of the people. Perhaps this does not matter, but you have lost mine. And thus, this explains my outburst.

-

Post script: I do not believe in taking back my words, because I do not see a need to. I could go on, elaborating how I think one is so ambitious and an absolute failure. But on second thoughts, to do so is to degrade myself to the same standing as those I despise.

kfc days

2011-05-19T04:45:00.001+08:00

While filming in London, Johnny Depp received a letter from a nine year old student, asking for help from his “Pirates of the Caribbean” character, Jack Sparrow. In the letter, Delap wrote that she and her fellow students were a “bunch of budding young pirates,” but that they needed some professional assistance in the mutiny department.

And so . . .

He did.

04B4 (and perhaps with the other three classes) might have done that if Depp was in Singapore filming Pirates, wouldn't we? Except that, we might be more serious about having a mutiny in school just for a day. Perhaps, against the PE department and their worse-than-NS training regime.

Or at the very least, Janu would do anything to see Sparrow. Here is a little blast from the past, courtesy of Elly.

Of course, no one would ever want to be rescued by Captain Saravanan Ramasamy, because he will screw any chance presented. That would be anyone's worst nightmare, including Janu.

And how's the blast from the past, Janu? (:

Cabinet Reshuffle

2011-05-18T19:44:00.000+08:00

So the new Cabinet line-up is out. If I have to describe my reaction on the Cabinet reshuffle, I would say it is "bewildering but not unexpected".

The description is most apt for Wong Kan Seng, Mah Bow Tan and Raymond Lim. Frankly, it is a matter of time before Wong and Mah step down from Cabinet because of the need for leadership renewal and the issues raised against them during GE2011. So it is not beyond anyone's imagination that they would vacate their seats on the government frontbench before the next General Election.

What is bewildering is that the Prime Minister choose to retire Wong and Mah immediately after GE2011. With the departure of MM Lee and SM Goh, and the loss of George Yeo, it seems that the Cabinet is rather stretched. I will not comment on the performance on Wong and Mah for the past few years (after all, it is subjective), but one have to admit that they are experienced ministers. Of course, perhaps in the reshuffle, the Prime Minister may consider that leadership renewal and changing the public perception to the Government are the main overriding concerns.

Neither am I surprised that Tharman Shanmugaratnam will be made a Deputy Prime Minister, especially after the departure of George Yeo from politics and how the Prime Minister repeated his trust on the Finance Minister at the Kent Ridge Ministerial Forum. On a side note, this would mean that Tharman will no longer be running for the position of Managing Director of International Monetary Fund.
Indeed, I am under the impression is that the Cabinet is rather stretched in terms of experienced and talented personnel.

What is the most bewildering, however, is the arrangements made for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MFA). As I have earlier mentioned, I am bewildered by the retirement of Raymond Lim. I expected that he would stay on in MFA as its Second Minister, in order to ensure continuity in the political leadership and policies within the Ministry. His retirement would mean that political leadership in the MFA will start from an almost clean slate, given the impending departure of George Yeo, Raymond Lim and Zainudin Nordin.

Interestingly, K Shanmugam has been shifted from the Ministry of Home Affairs to the MFA. While I admire his brilliant intellect and eloquence in speech, I have expected him to stay in MHA for a while longer before any change to his portfolio. In fact, he has only taken over from Wong Kan Seng a few years ago. But I trust in DPM Teo and Shanmugam's capabilities to manage well in their new portfolios.

Heng Swee Keat provides another surprise, having being made an instant member of the Cabinet and to hold the helm at the Education Ministry. Aside from revealing the prominence of Heng among his batch of newly elected MPs, it shows that the Prime Minister is taking the issue of leadership renewal seriously. MOE is considered as one of the heavyweight ministries, along with MINDEF, MOF, MHA and MFA. To be placed in this position reveals the Prime Minister's confidence in the former Managing Director of Monetary Authority of Singapore's capabilities and experience.

Aside from Heng, the next star of GE2011 is naturally Maj-Gen (NS) Chan Chun Sing, who has been appointed Acting Minister for Ministry of Information, Communications and The Arts. Personally, my only advice for Chan is that he should really build on his Public Relations and Communication skills. No doubt, Chan has been (trying to) portray a simple lifestyle and close to the heartland folks, but I have to say that his tone and style of speaking (as one can infer from the media so far) does not really endear him to many people.

Having being dubbed as the core of the fourth generation leadership, his appointment is nothing surprsing - though I must add that I prefer Bri-Gen (NS) Tan Chuan Jin to Chan. For Chan's own good, he should really learn from Tan on how to carry himself and speak in the media. Walking the stairs to communicate with residents is not enough. It is only a publicity stunt, at most. To truly be a humble man, you do not need news on what you have done to show you are a simple person. Gradually, time will tell and how you behave is a more reliable indicator. If he is not able to change the perception that some may have of him (as expressed online), there is no way he is going to connect to the netizens (who are obviously Singaporeans).

With 4 newly elected MPs placed on the government's frontbench, it seems that the governing party is taking the issue of leadership renewal seriously. The reshuffle also suggests that the Prime Minister has heard the electorate's concern of a government that is losing touch with the grassroots, and thus explaining the decision to allow the retirement of elder statesmen.

But I hope - and pray - that this reshuffle is not done at the expense of having a shortage of experienced and talented personnel. It is nothing new in Singapore's political context to have a minister to head two ministries, but Tharman is heading both Finance and Manpower Ministries. It may be overstretching for the new Deputy Prime Minister, who is also concurrently Chairman of MAS. This suggests the first instance of lack of experienced and talented personnel to specialise in one ministry for each minister.

The second instance could be found in the appointment of Heng as Education Minister. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with making a new MP a full minister. In fact, this is widely practiced in other parliamentary democracies whereby sometimes the Prime Minister may not even have prior ministerial experience (c.f. Tony Blair and David Cameron of the United Kingdom). One cannot help but to think that leadership renewal is urgent because there are not enough talented and tested personnel within the frontbench, and thus Heng is chosen because of his performance while in Public Service.

In the context of PAP's leadership renewal, seldom are MPs directly appointed to full ministerial positions. Shanmugam is one of the few exceptions, having being made Minister of Law and Second Minister of Home Affairs in 2008. For most ministers, they are either being made Acting Minister directly after a General Election, or work their way up from being Minister of State and being made Minister after a year as Acting Minister. And to be entrusted with a heavyweight ministry, the minister in question must be either a trusted politician, or have been groomed for succession as Second Minister for some time. This frequently occured in MINDEF (c.f. Dr Ng Eng Hen), MHA (c.f. Shanmugam) and MOE. Heng's appointment suggests that there is no time to be wasted, and there is no one else available to take over from Ng Eng Hen due to more pressing need in other ministries.

With the departure of MM Lee Kuan Yew and SM Goh Chock Tong, it is hoped that the PAP will herald a new age of politics in Singapore. But I believe the MM and SM Goh need not step down to reiterate that point. After all, they are only in advisory capacities and do not make major decisions. Furthermore, the core make-up of the new Cabinet retains most of the Cabinet ministers before GE2011, albeit with change in appointments. What it takes to show that a government is learning from an election is not a change in personnel, but in the policies made. Indeed, the essence of reform lies in whether the same people remaining could learn from mistakes and change the policies if necessary, and not lies in whether the personnel has changed.

-

On a sidenote, I cannot resist but to comment on Tan See Jay's call for by-elections to be held in Tanjong Pagar GRC and Marine Parade GRC.

Constitutionally, there is no basis for by-elections to be held after a Cabinet Minister resigns his or her political appointment. Neither is there an expectation that any minister will remain in Cabinet after General Elections, for the tenure of office is recommended by the Prime Minister to the President. So there is no legal provision for a by-election to be called, just because Ministers resign or are no longer appointed to the frontbench.

Aside from the legal aspect, no rational being would voluntarily resign a seat in Parliament to make business easy for their competitors, unless there are compelling reasons. If one really have to find a precedent elsewhere in the world for by-election, the nearest example I could think of is the 1961 Bristol South East by-election in 1961.

The by-election occured when Tony Benn automatically lost his seat in the Commons following his father's death and his own elevation to the House of Lords as the new Viscount Stansgate. That triggered a by-election, and Tony Benn continued to stood and won against Malcom St Clair, with 69.5% of the votes even though the voters clearly know Benn could not qualify for a seat in the Commons as an hereditary peer. Benn was disqualified from taking his seat despite the outright majority and St Clair became the new MP for Bristol South East. However, St Clair also promised to vacate the seat and respect the wishes of the voters if a change in law allows Benn to qualify for Commons again. And indeed, St Clair voluntarily resigned after the Peerage Act 1963 allows hereditary peers to disclaim their peerage and stand for Commons election. This was done on the basis of the mandate which Benn won in 1961 and 1963 by-elections.

The aforementioned precedent (which is not binding in Singapore) proves 2 things. Mandate is given on the basis of majority, and SM Goh won more than 60% of the votes in Marine Parade GRC. Secondly, if the voters truly like you, they would vote for you no matter whether you are a hereditary peer (or Senior Minister, in this context) or just an ordinary Member of Parliament. After all, as a constituent, you are concerned whether this MP can contribute to and represent your constituency.

In the case of Tanjong Pagar GRC, it was understood that there are interested candidates who wish to contest in the GRC but failed to meet the requirements at the stipulated time. Under the laws relating to Parliamentary election, MM Lee and his team won unopposed. It is perfectly legal, and if any team expresses interest in the GRC should wait to stand in the next General Elections. There is no logic or purpose for the PAP team to hold a by-election just because other political parties wish to compete now (assuming if this is the case).

The fallacy which Tan See Jay makes, in my opinion, is that he links respect for a person with ministerial office. Or at least, that is what he suggests in the statement.

"With regard to Tanjong Pagar, where Minister Mentor Lee is, a lot of opposition parties, out of respect for him, did not contest and also because they thought that he would continue as Minister Mentor."

If you do not contest in Tanjong Pagar because "out of respect for" MM Lee, you choose to do it because of him a person. A ministerial office do not automatically translate into respect for the office-holder. More importantly, it seems that Tan is suggesting that voters vote for PAP in Tanjong Pagar and Marine Parade because the main concern is to allow Cabinet Ministers to continue serving in office.

However, this idea is not coherent with the political behaviour among the electorate in GE2011. If voters really think Cabinet ministers must be re-elected due to their office, Aljunied GRC would have voted otherwise to retain George Yeo and 2 other frontbench colleagues (and indeed, I am saddened that George Yeo has lost). Clearly, voters do weigh national and constituency issues before making their choice at the ballot box. At least, this is what Aljunied and Hougang voters have demonstrated.

More importantly, PAP's manifesto for Marine Parade GRC did not state that SM Goh and his team should be voted in order to allow SM to remain in Cabinet. In other words, there is no compelling reason for a by-election to be called as there is no breach in the SM's manifesto. It seems to me that whatever SM has promised to his constituents has no relation to his political office. His commitment is to his constituents, and there is zero mention of any necessity of the constituents to vote for him to secure his political appointment.

Thus, at least from my own point of view, there is no legal or legitimate reason for a by-election to be called. No law or constitutional convention has been breached, or is there any incoherency with the principles of democracy. The call for a by-election on the premises suggested by Tan is an illogical course of action, and should not be taken seriously. In fact, once elected, a public office holder must fulfill his or her moral obligations to the community. Unless there are compelling reasons, to resign before the parliamentary session ends (or in this context, begins) suggests that such responsibility is taken lightly and there is a breach in the moral contract to serve. One should then really consider if by-election is necessary, especially when it proves no point and waste time and money in this case.

dante's prayer

2011-05-17T04:41:00.001+08:00

Indeed, this resonates well with the Divine Comedy.

When the dark wood fell before me
And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way
I tilled the sorrows of stone

I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night
When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me
By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and fire

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone
How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly
To touch the face of the stars

Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me
Please remember me

Lords Refomed

2011-05-02T05:04:00.000+08:00

Should the House of Lords be reformed?

When I ask the aforementioned question, I am not suggesting any implicit opposition to Lords reform. Political modernization is inevitable, as we witnessed patterns in the context of history. The Glorious Revolution affirmed that Parliament is part of the constitutional structure in England, changing the pre-Stuart ideas that the monarch alone embodies sovereignty. Similarly, the Privy Council has been replaced by the Cabinet system under the Hanoverian monarchs. By Queen Victoria's time, the Prime Minister has to command the confidence of the Commons - and no longer the monarch.

In the context of the House of Lords, it has seen its fair share of modernization throughout the ages before 1997. From being the more dominant parliamentary chamber, the Lords has effectively lost its political pre-eminence and power to the Commons. The Parliament Acts excluded the Lords from vetoing financial and supply bills, and the Salisbury Convention holds that the Lords should not veto any bill that is part of the elected Commons' manifesto.

In terms of its membership, the Lords saw the expansion of its membership from less than 50 peers under Elizabeth I to the 600 odd members it has today. With the introduction of Life Peerages Act 1958, members of the House of Lords only hold their seat for life and it is non-tranferrable to their descendents. Women and Scottish hereditary peers are allowed to claim their seats in the Lords in1963, with the passing of the Peerage Act which also allows peers to disclaim their seat and to contest for a Commons seat.

By 1997, the Lords was an unelected chamber filled with both hereditary and life peers. It remains a source for junior ministers, since major political office-holders (even the Lord Chancellor today) are usually frontbenchers in the Commons. Constitutional convention and precedent have barred any Lord from serving as Prime Minister or Chancellor of the Exchequer in the Upper Chamber.

The Labour Party was one of the two political parties in the United Kingdom to have listed the Lords reform in their manifesto for the General Election, with the other being the Liberal Democrats who called for the abolition of the Lords. Central to both parties' argument is that the Lords is an archic institution, and its hereditary as well as unelected nature is an antithesis to functioning democracy.

Therefore, it was no surprise that Blair began an extensive reform of the House of Lords in 1997, with the end result being the House of Lords Act 1999. By no means is it conclusive, and personally I do think that resulted in a mess today. I am not opposing or supporting the Lords reform; after all, I am not a Briton and it is for the British citizenry to decide on whether it is a necessary move. All I can do is to comment on the reform, and I think it was carried out as a crowd-pleaser without any substantial proposal or careful deliberation.

Take for example the role of the Lord High Chancellor of Great Britain. The Blair Ministry sought to abolish the position and replace it with a Principal Secretary of State for Constitutional Affairs, without careful research that the position and its functions could not be abolished without an Act of Parliament cancelling many other Acts of Parliament.

Or, for another instance, Tony Blair's made a secret agreement with Lord Cranborne, then Leader of the Conservatives in the Lords, on allowing 99 hereditary peers to be elected to remain in the Chamber on an interim basis. This is done without consulting the William Hauge, the Leader of the Conservatives. This reflected a breach of protocol of not disucssing cross-party issues between political leaders, and showed how determined Blair was to get the Lords without sensitivity. Indeed, Hauge knew nothing about it and had to learn about the secret deal through Blair in a parliamentary sessions.

I could not comprehend why Blair allowed for the 92 herditary peers to remain if he had wanted a true reform of the Lords. Perhaps it was sheer political reality that he could not push for a complete change in the Lords' chamber, but surely the Lords reform could be done in a more organised and cautious manner?

In fact, as the years progress, the traditionally Conservative-dominated Lords was flooded by new Labour peers. In other words, the Labour party must have been dispensing a substantial number of life peerages to Labour politicians and donors to overcome the Conservative majority.

For a political party which champions for an elected chamber (as Tony Blair supported for in a parliamentary session in January 2003), it is ironic that it is injecting more and more Labour peers into the reformed chamber. More significantly, the Blair Ministry claimed to broadly support Wakeham Report's recommendation, among which includes the disassociation between peerage and membership of the Lords. It seems that in this aspect, the Blair Ministry was making a contradiction in rhetoric and practice.

The divergence in the attitude and proposal of Lords' reform could be classified according to party lines, and between the two chambers. The Conservatives would have preferred the status quo, but it did not dismiss the possibility of a partially elected second chamber. Similarly, the Liberal Democrats preferred the abolition of the Lords but set a minimal baseline that the Lords should at least be predominatly elected.

Across the two chambers, there is no sign of unity in the Lords reform as well. In a non-binding vote in 2007, he Lords preferred a 100% appointed chamber, than the 100% elected chamber which the Commons preferred.

This difficulty is added on by the question of legitimacy and role of the two chambers - if the Lords is to be electd, it has the same mandate with the Commons and perhaps is more representative in terms of cross-society membership and regional basis (as the Governmnt and Royal Commissions have envisioned for). So would the Lords settle for a more compromised role than it is stuck in the present circumstances?

Public mood, according to the Constitution Unit in the University College of London's School of Public Policy, was that:

Despite the unelected basis of the Lords these results make clear that it enjoys support from MPs and the general public to block policies that are perceived as unpopular. Far from clashing with the Commons it may even inflict government defeats with the silent approval of Labour MPs. Whilst government may wish to tame the powers of the Lords, these results suggest that voters are really quite happy with things as they are.

If what the Constitution Unit suggests was true, it seems that there is a confusing divide among the different stakeholders on the issue of Lords' reform. There is no universal consensus on its make up, and with its future role undefined. There is no viable alternative, and definitely it requires more in-depth deliberation.

At present, the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government has yet to submit a formal paper on the issue of Lords' reform. But with Nick Clegg's popularity and political fortunes on the decline after supporting the Conservative-sponsored tuition fees hike, it is rumoured that David Cameron is keen to save his coalition partner by compromising on the Lords' reform to the Liberal Democrats.

Hopefully, Clegg's proposal will not turn out to be another populist measure as the Liberal Democrats had promised in its electoral manifesto. Clegg must be painfully aware that while in government, one must make decisions based on practicality and not on pure idealism.

If I am asked on what should the Lords do and where it should proceed, frankly I would just opt for the status quo. Ideally, I believe that what was not broken should not be fixed. The Lords had been functioning well prior to 1997, and while it is true that the Lords were unelected and seats could be passed on a hereditary basis, Britain has always been a functioning democracy via the Commons.

Despite the heavy contestation over the term, almost all definitions in the literature uphold that democracy is for the people with a representative government. The hung Parliament in the General Election 2010 shows the people's dissastisfaction with all three major political parties, and indeed the Commons is a legitimate forum invested with the people's mandate. With or without the hereditary peers, the government's operations were never threatened to the stage close to a shutdown.

Similarly, neither was Britin less democratic because of the hereditary peers. At best, the hereditary peers represent the unequal element of the society. The idea of equality in democracies is the equality of all citizens, and not equality in all aspect of life. Even without hereditary peers, there are other unequal situations in the societies such as established political families (Kennedys, Clintons, Bush, Roosevelts etc) or intergenerational wealthy families (Rockefellers, for instance). I am not defending the hereditary peers, but I am trying to put across the point that these unequal birth rights (how ironic) do not make the society less democractic than it is.

In any case, it is not practical to bring back the Lords and I vote for status quo. The Lords could continue to represent the society at large (for example, reforming the Lords Spiritual to include religious leaders beyond the Church of England) and appoint life peers based on their contributions to the society, and how could they add value to the debates.

Perhaps the only change I would do is to remove politicians from the chamber, unless they are elder statesmen who have retired from the Commons and have made outstanding contribution to the nation. The Lords should perhaps no longer divided across party lines, and be instead filled with specialist, people's and regional representatives who serve the interest of their groups, rather than political parties.

And I would probably suggest the removal of the Prime Minister and Opposition Leader's role in recommending peerages, with the Independent Commission to have be invested with the sole right to recomend to the monarch.

Is it a pity for the hereditary peers? I am not quite sure about that, since they are able to stand for political office in the Commons after the reform. And more importantly, in exchange for a loss of seat in the Lords, they are now able to vote (hereditary pers are previously barred from voting). Perhaps some hereditary peers prefer to hold a seat in the Lords than to vote, but honestly aside from privileges and prestige, being an unpaid legislator (as they were back then) is not exactly worth it. To travel to London, and to claim allowances, well, I would say is definitely not enough to survive (and maintain the large estates, if applicable).

Status Quo? Definitely. But please, with some refinements after the necessary careful thoughts.

The case of the UK Supreme Court

2011-05-02T03:03:00.000+08:00

1 October 2011 will mark the second year since the Supreme Court of the United Kingdm (SCUK) took over as the court of last resort and highest apellate court in the United Kingdom. Personally, I think the creation of the SCUK is one of the better constiutional reforms the Labour Party has introduced. However, it seems that the independence and existence of this institution is under threat.

Personally, I believe in the necessity of the independence of the Judiciary. In fact, I would think that the Judiciary is more important than the Executive and Legislature during political or constitutional crises, because it is the Judiciary that mediates the brewing storm. This is because of my personal belief that the rule of Law is supreme and neutral, being unmoved by sentiments and irrationality. And under Montesquieu's Trias Politica model, the Judiciary is an equal branch in the separation of power and operates independently from the Executive and Legislature.

In September 2010, the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition identified the SCUK as one of the Non-departmental Public Bodies (Quango) to be axed, with the exact status being "“still to be decided – options being considered". Earlier this year, the SCUK found its own independence undermined when the it seems that funding for the Court seems to be at risk. This is owed towards the fact that the SCUK's funds are dependent on Her Majesty's Court Service, which is unable to fulfill its promised contribution.

That resulted in the SCUK's funding to be reliant on the Ministry of Justice, which is apparently busy in closing magistrates' court throughout England and Wales as part of its budget axing exercise. What is more significant is that there is no pre-set allocation of budget for the SCUK. Under current arrangement, the SCUK has to persuade Ministry and fight for budget like any other bureaucratic organisations. While the Lord Chancellor is quick to point out that the SCUK is "of course indpendent" and the Government do not interfere with its decisions, one cannot but help to question the notion of institutional independence of the SCUK.

It should be brought to mind that the SCUK was created as part of Britain's constitutional reform. In particular, the Constitutional Reform Act 2005 was to make the notion of Separation of Powers more distinct in Britain, even though the Westminster Model traditionally upholds the fusion of powers between Her Majesty's Government and Parliament. In this, the Lord Chancellor was removed from his role as the Presiding Officer of the House of Lords and head of the Judiciary in Great Britain, with his role strictly confined to being a political minister (while retaining other statutory duties which could not be removed easily). This is to resolve the abnormality where a politician holds top positions in three separate branches of Government.

Similarly, the Law Lords were moved out from the Lords because they were both legislators (though they seldom, if ever, part take in political decisions) and top judges in the realm. The Judicial Committee of the House of Lords took up their seats in Middlesex Guildhall, opposite the Palace of Westminster. This signifies the nominal independence of the Judiciary, with the SCUK monitoring the Parliament. This is an important symbolism as it is in the United States, when the Supreme Court of the United States moved out of the Capitol in 1935.

However, what the SCUK needs is not mere lip service to its independence. Sure, there is a nominal separation of powers right now. But the fact that its operations and institution relies on the Executive - and the possibility that it could be axed -proved otherwise in substatial. If any, it seems that there is a regression on the independence of the SCUK. While the Law Lords were part of Parliament, they had direct access to fundings for the work of the Judicial Committee. With the current financial arrangement threatening to undermine the operations of the SCUK, it seems that the some branches of government are more equal than others.

Some critics of the SCUK would equate independence to power, and in vein of this argument they would actually assert that the SCUK is a toothless (if not, paper) tiger. Using a comparative approach, they would compare it to the Supreme Court of the United States, which is the ultimate court of appellate of the land with the powers of judicial review as established Madison v. Marbury, which allows the Supreme Court of the United States to strike down laws which are deemed to be unconstitutional. In comparison, the SCUK has no power over criminal justice in Scotland, and it could only strike down secondary legislations if they are incompatible with the primary legislations. More importantly, the SCUK could not strike down primary legislations. They could, at most, question and prompt Parliament to rethink.

To the defence of the SCUK, it should be noted while a correlation between power and independence could be established (i.e. the powerful you are, you are more able to assert independence), there is no causal mechanism between the two variables. Being powerful do not grant one independence, but the propensity to act and the extent of one's influence. In fact, a powerful judiciary could also mean a more activist judiciary, as seen in the context of the Supreme Court of the United States which regularly intervenes in political decisions.

On the issue of the SCUK's powers in the Scottish legal system, it must be noted that Scotland has a distinct legal system. While there are talks to expand the SCUK's powers beyond devolution and hearing appeals for Scottish cases that conflict with the European Convention on Human Rights, having the right to hear appeal on Scottish criminal cases does not determine whether the SCUK is independent or otherwise. More importantly, the SCUK must have sufficient competency and expertise in Scottish Law in order to dispense equal justice under the Law.

In response to calls for the SCUK to be equipped with the power to strike down legislation which is incompatiable with the British (uncodified) constitution, the question we must ask ourselves is what is the spirit of British constitutionalism? It is largely undefined, with constitutional conventions and precedents as binding without being written in black and white. More significantly, Britain is governed by parliamentary sovereignty. Like it or not, the Parliamt reigns supreme because it represents the will of the people. This is in contrast to the system in the United States, in which the Congress is restrained by checks and balances from the Executive and Judiciary.

As Montesquieu wrote in The Spirit of the Laws, laws and institutions should be adapted "to the people for whom they are framed..., to the nature and principle of each government, ... to the climate of each country, to the quality of its soil, to its situation and extent... in all of which different lights they ought to be considered". Thus, to compare the systems between the United Kingdom and United States is unfair to begin with. It should be remembered that the American political and legal system are built with elements of opposition to the British system, because of the early revolutionary culture instilled in the Founding Fathers. The system of the land must be in tandem to the culture and people it represents and governs.

To sum up the argument, the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom should not only have nominal independence from the Government and Parliament. What it needs is the operational independence of funding in order to carry out its work, safeguard its institution and maintain access to the public. Financial crisis should not be a reason to deter justice from being dispensed. Parliament has provided for judicial independence, and it is necessary to sustain this business. Otherwise, the constitutional reform undertook is nothing more than a procedural change.

the long march

2011-04-28T09:41:00.001+08:00

I am quite glad that I am (about to be) done with 3/5 of my papers, though I have to add that complacency kills and I think I will be destroying whatever hard work I have put in for EU3228 (okay not really, but the 'A' grade for 60% CA is certainly going to be pulled down by my 40% final exam). All I need to do is to hang in there for HY2229, and this week will be over.

But (spoiler, literally), I cannot imagine what lies ahead for PS3257. Why can't it just be non-examinable for the benefit of the masses?

It seems to confirm that University is indeed never about a charitable business. Knowledge comes with a heavy price.

732

2011-04-28T01:35:00.001+08:00

While I am more or less settled, I have to admit I am still somewhat afraid. It is not a predominant concern or fear, or that I have been actively thinking about it. But somewhere in a corner, it awaits to be revisited every now and then.

I cannot help but think of the disappointment(s) and how upset I would be, should the slim odds prevail. Even if it is the tiniest possibility that could be ever quantified, I am nevertheless allowing the question of 'what if' to assume a role in my mind. It just reflects how distrustful I am to myself, and perhaps to certain individuals.

The new hope forward seems distant. Not to mention the issue I am gripping with hope and expectations. The more you anticipate, the more you are afraid of losing it. And once you get it, you will never wish to lose it. But precisely it is hope and faith that I am living for, but it is paradoxical - if not an oxymoron - that I am not embracing it in full.

How I wish I could just simply do away with all these. It takes time, definitely. Or perhaps, I just need to have an insurmountable resolute and faith.

Conceptualizing Westminster

2011-04-28T01:20:00.004+08:00

I came across an article written by a friend in NUS on the Westminster system. Out of boredom with EU3228 (or to be precise, I have yet to start on my revision), and being interested in comparative political system, I decided to write my thoughts regarding the issue. I will not post what my friend wrote, because I may have misconstrued his intentions and ideas. So do read it as if it is an independent think piece on what classifies a system under the Westminster model. And no, this has no relation to the Singapore General Election 2011.

The underlying assumption is that bicameral legislature is a key and defining feature of the Westminster model, and the central purpose of having two chambers is to provide checks and balances against the Government. I would challenge such a hypothesis, as having a bicameral legislature has zero correlation to whether a system follows the Westminster system or otherwise. Central to my idea is that what defines the Westminster model is the essence of parliamentary democracy, and less of the emphasis on institutional arrangement.

To begin with, I would want to highlight that having a bicameral legislature do not translate into following the Westminster model. For example, it seems the U.S Congress operates with two chambers. But at the same time, the U.S government operates on a Presidential system, as opposed to the Westminster tradition which essentially upholds parliamentary democracy. The question here is: is the U.S part of the Westminster communion?

I would believe this is not the case, as Westminster-style suggests that there is fusion of powers between the Legislature and the Executive. In other words, members of the Government are drawn from the Legislature. This could be seen in the UK (Ministers are drawn from either Commons or Lords), Canada (Senate or Commons), and New Zealand (House of Representatives). In these realms, the Prime Minister is drawn from the Legislature as the Member who commands the confidence of majority of the Legislature. I would not consider the U.S part of the Westminster communion because there is a clear separation of powers between the Executive and the Legislature under the Constitution, and historically the US has never (wanted to) model its politics in the Westminster tradition after the American Revolution.

I do concede that a bicameral legislature could offer checks and balances. In the words of Sir John MacDonald (first Prime Minister of Canada), the Senate of Canada was conceived to provide the Canadian Parliament a "sober second thought" against the "democratic excesses" of the popularly elected Commons in Canada. And indeed, in the UK, the Lords have conducted serious deliberations and occasionally defeats Commons-originated bill. This could be seen in March 2011, when the Lords defeated the Conservative-Liberal coalition's Public Bodies Bill.

However, the Lords and the Commons are never equal in power, past and present. This means that the Lords is not an effective body in checking the powers of the Commons. For example, the Parliament Acts (1911/1949) allow the Commons to pass legislation without the Lords' approval. Under the two Acts, the Lords could only delay money-related bills by a month and other bills by a year. In particular, Parliament Act of 1949 was conceived by the Attlee Ministry to prevent the Lords from hindering in the nationalisation programme. This effectively reduce the notion of checks and balances in the second chamber. Indeed, if the Lords were to be prevented from conducting checks and balances, what were/are they standing for?

This brings to the examination of the raison d'etre for bicameral legislatures. In the case of UK, the Lords historically existed for the hereditary peers and lords spiritual to take part in the governance of the realm and to guarantee their entrenched position. In today's context, it has evolved into a body which represents the positions of different segments of the society (e.g. elder statesman, religious figures, activists, former military and civil service leaders etc). In addition, the fact that life peers remain unelected suggests that the idea of accountability of Lords is controversial in Britain.

In the context of the US, the Senate was established to represent the states' interest in the Union, as opposed to the popularly-elected Representatives. Similarly, the Senates in Australia and Canada champions for regional representation. Therefore, be it Westminster-style or otherwise, it seems that the central purpose of having two chambers was/is not about conducting checks and balances between the Legislature and the Executive, or between the Upper and Lower chambers. The rationale of having bicameral legislature differs among the community of states, and certainly it is solely built on the purpose of providing checks and balances.

The central issue I am trying to highlight is, what defines the Westminster model? Must a legislature follow the exact structure of the UK Parliament? At present, the UK has an unwritten constitution and operates with two legislative chambers (plus the Queen-in-Parliament), and MPs are elected by First-Past-The-Post (FPTP) voting system.

Now we examine the case of New Zealand, which is commonly acknowledged to be part of the Westminster-style democracy cause. It has a unicameral legislature (House of Representatives), a written Constitution (if you consider the Constitution Act as valid), and operates on proportional representation. By all accounts, it seems that New Zealand is not a Westminster-style democracy/model. However, the fact that it is a parliamentary democracy makes it a Westminster model. The Prime Minister of New Zealand and his government could lose a motion of confidence and a General Election have to be called, and this is currently what is happening in Canada.

The problem about quantifying Westminster model simply by following Britain exactly in its institutional structure is flawed, in my opinion. At present, Britain is heading for a referendum on whether should it retain the FPTP system or switch to the Alternative Voting system. If it does switch to AV system, does this mean that Canada (which continues to use FPTP) is no longer a Westminster model?

Moreover, having a bicameral legislature does not necessary mean that it could act as an effective check and balance against the incumbent government/other house. Supposedly that both chambers are controlled by the same political party, nominally it would seem that the argument that the second chamber provides check and balance is moot because essentially. I said nominally because I recognise instances when there are backbench rebellions, or when the other Chamber decides to act against their counterpart. But in accordance to the logic that the Party Whip in majority controls the chamber, controlling both chambers does not make a bicameral legislature any more significant in providing checks and balances.

At the end of the day, the Legislature (be it unicameral or bicameral) is accountable to the citizenry. A bicameral legislature is not necessary more accountable because of check and balances within the institutional framework, and an unicameral legislature is not necessary a chamber which simply passes the bill without careful scrutiny. In fact, one could argue that a bicameral legislature with different parties controlling each chamber could result in an impasse or shutdown in government. This almost happened to the U.S recently over the Budget.

On a side note, it seems that a Westminster model would result in a two-party system which the Opposition would win at least 1/3 of the seats in Parliament. I would say that there is no guarantee how many seats should a Government or Opposition win, even though Duverger's law states that a plurality voting system would eventually result in the emergence of two-party system. However, looking at the example of UK and Canada, two-party system is not necessary a feature. Historically, the UK has seen governments which held more than 2/3 seats. Today, the UK and Canada are experiencing hung Parliaments with a significant Opposition. But even in the UK, the Liberal Democrats has been recognised as a serious contender in politics despite holding only 57 Commons seats as opposed to 307 Conservatives and 258 Labour MPs. I think this boils down to the strength of the political parties, and not really about the institutional arrangement within the Westminster model.

End of the day, I think the conceptualization of Westminster model lies within the spirit and essence it upholds. The institutional arrangement, I would say, stands little in defining what is the Westminster model.

(P.S: I am writing offhand based on my interest and knowledge in the Government and Politics of Britain without any research.)

AS31

2011-04-25T02:56:00.000+08:00

"Ask for me tomorrow; and you shall find me a grave man."
-Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, Act 3 Scene 1

the catholic persuasion

2011-04-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

As most of you would know, I was not born a Catholic. This begs the question which I often get from others: "Why not a Christian (Protestant) church? It seems more fun!"

I have no idea what does fun mean, and despite being an individual who outwardly makes (non-offensive) jokes about God, deep down in my heart I always believe that religion should maintain sacristy. Personally, it just did not sit well with me that certain Christian services seem to be a pop concert. I acknowledge that there are millions of way for worship, and I am not insinuating that these services are un-Christian. But I could not reconcile such worship to my personal style and belief on how a religion should be.

If I am not in the Catholic Church, I guess I would most probably enter the Anglican Communion. After all, I still vividly recall fond memories in St Paul's Church. I am sure I would love the sense of familiarity in St Paul's. But what held me back was that Henry VIII of England established the Church of England because of his insistence to divorce Catherine of Aragon, which was refused by Pope Clement VII. From a historical viewpoint, it would seem that the Church of England (which is the mother church of the Anglican Communion) was an instrument for the political purpose of re-marrying to have a male heir for the Tudor dynasty.

It is unfair that to say that the Anglican Communion has no distinctive theology (somehow I still have some emotional attachment to the Communion which I was brought up in haha). One could point out that the Thirty-Nine Articles hold the substantial doctrine of faith for Anglicans worldwide, and English reformers such as Thomas Crammer and Matthew Parker had their own theological positions which formed the platform of beliefs for the Communion today. That said, (at the age of 15) I thought there was no substantial distinction between the Anglican Communion and Church of Rome. I mean, there are fundamental differences but at the same time, one cannot deny the many similarities between the two Christian denominations.

For one, there is a large Anglo-Catholic community within the Anglican Communion. Pope Benedict XVI, recognising that some Anglicans do adhere to Catholic traditions, has actually established a special Roman Catholic ordinate for Anglicans who oppose the direction which the Church of England is heading (such as the ordination of female bishops). I am not in a position to say whether Benedict XVI should have done that, or whether the Anglican Communion is heading in the right direction. At the end of the day, I know I could never reconcile with my historical understanding on the Church of England.

Indeed, I have rationalized that the Church of England was established by Henry VIII to make divorce an easy process for himself, without a true belief in the Reformed theology of Crammer (unlike his son and successor, Edward VI of England). As Supreme Head of the Church of England, Henry VIII maintained many of the Catholic practices and beliefs, and he continued to persecute Protestant Reformers (e.g. William Tyndale) - especially if they objected to his annulment. All these evidences point to the argument that the Church of England was established for secular motivations and not based on the theological position of Henry VIII - whatever it may be.

Moreover, if one is to refer to the actions prior to the separation, Henry VIII was awarded the title of Fidei Defensor for his defence of the Seven Sacraments and the Papacy in Assertio Septem Sacramentorum. Such defence may be politically driven or perhaps Henry VIII was truly pious. But whatever the case, Henry's prior actions have shown that he was never a true believer in Reformation until it served his own interest.

This drives me to the conclusion that it is more logical to join the Catholic Church. Put it bluntly, it was my initial interest in the Anglican Communion that leads me to the Catholic Church. From a historical viewpoint, I believe it is the true (and unbroken) One Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. And as I attend the RCIY classes, I realise I am in communion with the Church in terms of its theological position. This is with particular regards to the veneration of ancestors, which is of pinnacle concern to me. I also believe that Salvation does not come with only Baptism, but also continuous Repentance and Penance throughout one's life.

Of course, there are times when I do not agree with an overzealous effort by some of the faithful to officially declare the Blessed Virgin Mary as Co-Redemptrix and Mediatrix. I believe that salvation comes from Christ alone, and while Our Lady deserves a higher place of veneration than other saints, it is not sufficient to say that she is a mediator and a co-sponsor in the process of our Redemption. I do venerate Our Lady of Perpetual Succour, but it is a separate matter if there is any suggestion to make her a divine figure. But end of the day, I remain a member of the Catholic Church and I would accept the dogma as defined by the Ecumenical Council.

This is my article of faith, in commemoration of my baptism into the Catholic Church on Easter Vigil 7 years ago.

Friday

2011-04-22T23:59:00.000+08:00

I conclude it must be the way which Rebecca Black presents the song which makes 'Friday' a disaster. And not forgetting the meaningless lyrics which contravenes literary traditions. Either that, or Bri Gonzales (who just smiled excessively) has a magical way to make a better rendition of the same disastrous song.

And oh Terrance, if you must continue singing this song right in my face every time we meet, could you please sing it better?

Or at least, be prettier (like Bri Gonzales)? Okay that is impossible.

Good Friday Prayer

2011-04-22T04:51:00.000+08:00

I always think Good Friday is a sad but necessary decision which we could not find cause to rejoice in. Yes, the divine blood shed creates the new and everlasting covenant which allows sins to be forgiven. Rationally speaking, we should be grateful and take pride in Christ's self-sacrificing spirit. After all, the word 'Good' must have meant something positive.

But honestly, who would actually feel happy over a death (not lest to mention, your own God)?

-

Receiving a 'B' grade on Good Friday is perhaps the second best present received (thus far). Now that 70% of PS3257 is accounted for (between B+ and B), all I need to do is not to screw up my remaining 30%.

I guess after 4 days of devotion to HY3206, it is time to move on to the other modules. It may sound absolutely retarded, but I could not make any sense out of this module at all. Sigh. It reminds me of how Corinne and I struggled with HY2237 and both of us made it through. But this time, I cannot guarantee how things will turn out.

Somehow, this semester is not driven by the motivation to do well but hinges on the notion of survival.

-

I hope the seemingly irrational decision I have made yesterday will be worth it. As much as I could deny and be pessimistic about the outcome, I secretly hope everything will turn out fine (if not for the better) and it will not spell the doom for me.

This is one of the few times when my emotions stop acting in unison with, and actually contravenes, my thoughts.

what shall we die for

2011-04-22T02:50:00.000+08:00

According to Christian tradition, Christ celebrated the Last Supper on Maundy Thursday. It is interesting to see academics arguing that the Last Supper was on a Wednesday, or the Last Supper's meals were over-sized. I believe what is more important is the significance of the Last Supper. After all, the Church fixed 25 December as the Nativity of Our Lord but who could actually verify that Christ was really born on that day? Indeed, dates should not precede the importance of festivals.

According to Terrance, the difference between Christ and us is that our Lord knew His life was screwed since the day He was born. We, the mortal beings, only knew we are screwed when troubles smack right in our face.

The themes of courage, humility, fear, and self-sacrifice could be readily found in Christian literature. But all these noble qualities and valour serve a purpose. In the case of the Good Shepherd, He died for the sins of mankind and His beloved flock.

But for us, instead of thinking what should we die for (since we will all die eventually and most of us have no control over our end), we should start pondering what we should be living for. At least that is within our grasp, and it is perfectly possible for us to believe in the causes we define for ourselves.

So, what are you living for?

bridging threshold

2011-04-20T05:48:00.000+08:00

It was a great night, even the food were plain and simple.

Stop and rewind. Learning about how work redefines spoon as a knife, and vice versa. Terrance's declaration and immense pride that he is earlier than Dominic, but still 5 minutes later than 1900hrs. The recount which traces all the way back to Rachel. The 'what ifs'. The seemingly support from Dominic for my cause, with the phrase 'I thought' which was unfortunately punctuated with a 'BUT'.

I can see where we are going.

In the attempt to save others from crashing and watch them burn, you have found yourself being crushed by the burden of expectations and circumstances. Are you propelled, or are willing? Is it sentimentalism at play, or a heart of courage at work? You are two steps away from heaven - or hell, depending which step you choose to take.

The final threshold, the bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn.

T: "Hey how about Queenstown? Let's eat the Katong Laksa there!"

S: "Urm how to get there?"

Terrance: "I don't know how to get there. I only know how to eat."

T: "Since we are so near to Malaysia, hey shall we go to JB and eat instead?"

T: "How about Ikea?"

S: "I'm fine with it."

D: "Okay lor."

T: "Eh but since we are at Queenstown. . . ."

S (interrupts): "Shut up Terrance. We shall meet at Queenstown then we decide."

T: "I end at 6pm tomorrow, so let's meet at 6.30pm?"

S: "7pm. I don't trust you."

T: "Come on guys I will not take an hour to travel !"

D: "Right. . ."

What kind of telephone conversation is this?!

A v A

2011-04-18T14:40:00.000+08:00

Apprehensiveness.

Somehow as I get excited and hyped up over my plans (including next semester), I am always reminded that one should never get hopes up too high in case it never happens.

Anticipation, yes. But at the same time, I need to make preparations for Plan B.

Who knows if there is a future lying ahead?

in replies

2011-04-18T02:47:00.000+08:00

Someone told me that we only consider and calculate risk when we are faced with major decisions in our lives, without realising we are actually taking a leap of faith in every decision - major or minor - we make. We often worry about whether it is the right course to pursue, and if things would turn out as according to plan. There is a limit to how much we worry, and how far we could fear. And fear could bring the best in us, if we choose to be motivated and not to be held back.

I concede to the validity of this advice, and I am thoroughly appreciative of it. Things are going on rather fine now, and I have resolved most of the baggages that has bothered me since the start of the year. I am not able to say I have completely get them off my mind, but at the very least I have learnt not to think about them. At the end of the day, I am sure that things will turn out fine eventually. All I need to do is to do myself a favour, and stop scaring myself unnecessarily.

Or should I say, I have reverted to the rational person which I used to be. Yes, I am still very much guided by sentimentalism but that always go hand-in-hand with rationality. I am no longer emotionally charged, and I promise my decisions will be made objectively (though it may occasionally be tampered by sentimentalism). And that means, the overarching concern (which you are extremely well-acquainted with) will remain status quo ante. Things will remain as they were before, at least for now. I will need to find the heart of courage before I mount my two steps to hell. It is about a matter of time.

At least, right now I know what I want to do and I know how do I wish to get things going. The central problem is, every one step forward seems to be moving two steps backward. And when this happens, I cannot help but to question the worth and feasibility of it. Undeniably, I feel that I am resisting against the tide which is not in my favour (just like how time and exams are never in my favour). In any case, this is really my dream and I would not wish to give up without any fight. It is not about the end results (though it matters), but rather doing the right thing.

What makes it right then? It could be explained on many fronts, but the best explanation I could ever give is that it is a mortal sin not to act according to one's faith and heart.

-

This is for an ordinary friend (not in FASS), who nevertheless has been quite prominent for the past two semesters. But I believe this is the best for you, and your loved ones around you. There is no slightest intent to offend or any element of ridicule. In all honesty, I do not think you appreciate frank comments but I do care and that is why I bother saying things which may irk you.

Sometimes, you are just far too stubborn to reconcile with reality. Perhaps all you need to do is to let go of those prejudices, and remove the coloured lenses. Don't you think you are too caught up with your own yardstick, and failed to consider from the other side's perspectives? If you can truly let go and be honest with yourself, you will see the world in a totally different light.

After all, you might not always be right.

conversation with janu

2011-04-17T17:45:00.000+08:00

While talking to Janu how our lives in Millennia had been, she reminded me of how much I seem to hate school. I was wondering what could have possibly led to this impression, and I realised. . . she was referring to the following articles back in the good old days when I used to have a website.

Bordering on the lines of sarcasm or even a childish nature, it just reminded us how Millennia used to be. Ha.

Little Things About Millennia 2004

1. It is the product of the merger between the oldest and newest centralised institutes.

2. Do you know you can see Suntec City and CDB from the Library Block in Bartley Campus?

3. Millennia Institute (Bartley Campus) can be considered one of the safest schools in Singapore with the Gurkha Contingent (which resembles a holiday resort to Terrance) across the road.

4. In Toh Tuck Campus, boys can prepare themselves for NS in the surrounding ‘jungles’.

5. In Bartley Campus, PE lessons are not restricted within the Institute. You can take a lovely jog from the gymnasium, run across the temporary overhead bridge (which look as if it can collapsed anytime with 40 people running on it simultaneously), say hi to the aw-aren’t-they-so-cute K9 dogs and Gurkha officers, before making a U-turn and run into Mount Vernon Crematorium and contemplate if it is a nice site for your eternal repose. Alternatively you can always intrude the surrounding private estates in How Sun.

Reasons Why Bartley Campus Should Be Preserved (2004)

1. Millennia Institute (Bartley Campus), where time has stood still since 1914.

2. It is a rarity to find a building which has faithfully served three different schools within a century. A book (suggested title: The Millennia-Outram-Zhong Hua Story) should be published to comment its centennial anniversary.

3. To execute euthanasia on a person who is very much alive and kicking constitutes culpable homicide with intent and a breach against medical ethics. Similarly, destroying the building is akin to murdering it when it is functioning well.

4. It can be transformed into another Little India or Chinatown. Let’s call it Ancient Millennia!

5. It can be transformed into a commercial building with its unique architecture and rich historical heritage with the Circle Line just around the corner. Money, money and more money!

6. The world is regulated by the theory of a vicious cycle. Building a new, modern building is illogical and irrational when it will be ancient in another century. Since it will be ancient eventually, why not just maintain the antiquity from now?

7. If the destruction of Bartley Campus is to happen, it will probably mark the extinction of the education monument with mountainous flights stairs, hives of bees hidden in the lights, and rare sights of ever-flowing drainage of water and floods.* Honestly, we have no objection to that but I guess our Geography friends would hate that.

*Terms and Conditions apply, preferably under thunderstorm weather.

PAE 2005: The Supposed Last Exercise
1. You will realised that Millennia Institute is a speed dating centre with guys and gals hanging out together everywhere.

2. Guys will woo the girls and desperately attempt to catch their attention, while the girls will be happily enjoying their attention.

3. The Pre-U2 and Pre-U3 students are glad to lip-synching to the Pre-U1’s singing of the national anthem and pledge recitation.

4. Another merit of the Pre-U1 students is to aid in the comprehension of the economics theory of price mechanism with the overwhelming demand for food, with a disparity in its supply, leading to an ever-soaring-and-never-decrease price.

5. The Pre-U2 and Pre-U3 students, for all their pleasure and honour in enjoying the sight of pretty boys and girls as well as other comforts, are however displeased with their juniors for ruining the once-but-no-longer-peaceful canteen which was conducive for practitioners of the Way (whichever Way one practices).

6. The presence of Pre-U1 students marks the Great Depression and the Great Deprivation. Great Depression with the seas of crowds and Great Deprivation of comfort and food.

7. The library, which is the holy pilgrimage site for scholars and where the rule of ‘silence is golden’ is the greatest commandment, will ironically be lively and noisy as long as one or more Pre-U1 student is sighted.

8. The Pre-U1 students ARE seriously depriving their seniors of the comfort to use the library, function room and auditorium.

Warped PAE 2005 Advertisement
1. Enthused parents and prospective students for PAE 2005 walked into the Institute with much anticipation and all smiles, but left with frowns after 5 minutes in the Institute.

2. Thinking of where to spend your lovely holidays after GCE ‘O’ Levels? Think of Millennia Institute!

3. Thinking of PAE? Choose Millennia Institute!

4. Thinking of entrusting your future educational route to someone? Trust Millennia Institute!

5. Thinking of visiting ancient museums and having your lessons there? Be at Millennia Institute!

6. Thinking of amusing yourselves and having cool teachers who teaches you out-of-context topics such as Astronomy? Come to Millennia Institute!

If you answered ‘yes’ to more than 3 questions above, it is no doubt that it is your destiny to be part of the Millennia Family (just as Harry Potter is destined and sorted to the House by the Sorting Hat). Over at Millennia Institute (Bartley Campus), you will study in a 86 year old campus with exciting ancient features that you might never find in most schools in Singapore. Furthermore, our staff specialises in subjects that are both relevant and irrelevant. If you like Astronomy and love to study the stars, you will enjoy General Paper under the tutelage of Mr Tan (note: a retired teacher who is a relief teacher, not the Principal). Yes, 04B4, your most beloved and coolest GP teacher is back after 6 months of hibernation. So why think so much? Millennia Institute will always welcome you!

But seriously speaking from personal experience, Millennia Institute is not a bad choice after all. It is not a hopeless school but one that truly gives you the second chance and hope you need, provided that you have the correct mindset. I am blessed in the Institute with a company of great friends and a totally cool and happening class. Though the school might be experiencing trembles and inconvenience due to the Circle Line project, nevertheless I can assure you that it is safe (since LTA has repeatedly assured that it is safe). At least, nothing has happened to me since the first day I stepped into the school yet (not that I am hoping though).

So do not resist and curse the heavens and earth if you are posted to Millennia Institute. Give yourself and the Institute a chance! You can always ask for refund* (that is to get yourself out of school) without money back! Trial period is offered from January to march.

*Terms and conditions apply. The Institute may expel any student who fails its expectations. The unfathomable decisions of the Institute are not guaranteed by the author of this article.

** Preferences and experiences may differ from the author.

5 Amazing Facts and Discoveries from Pre-University Seminar 2004
1. It clarifies the misconception that the elite Raffles Junior College is full of nerds. John Khoo, who enjoys playing with hamsters as his pastime and excels in sports, is a cool dude with a unique attitude.

2. Blazers have the amazing power to put people to sleep. Look at the panel and parallel discussions and you will know why. Strange phenomenon, eh?

3. Pre-University Seminar 2004 is a primary school gathering for Eric and his friends from Red Swastika friends. You have Eric, Andrea, Shi Yuan and Johnathan Dex! I can even get information about other Red Swastika students (e.g. Wen Sheng, Shian Yang, Wei Liang and Fook Guan) from my group mates. Cool!

4. It apparently seems to me that someone will just happen to have his or her birthday (e.g. Ignatius) on every day of the Seminar. Either that or it is that everyone loves the song ‘Happy Birthday to You’.

5. Pre-University Seminar is another match-making session. Currently we have one couple who will be married sooner or later, if everything goes well and smooth that is.*

*Editor's note: 7 years later (in 2011), the couple mentioned in this article has broken up but we have a new couple who are about to get married sooner or later. Yay!

Amazing Facts of Millennia Institute 2004
1. Millennia Institute is a school of crouching tigers and hidden dragons. You have an entertaining Vice-Principal who knows magic and a cool teacher who calls herself a vicious bitch (Ms Aruna) on the first day of school.

2. Millennia Institute (Bartley) is your one step to famous landmarks (though everyone would prefer to avoid them) such as S.P.C.A and Mount Vernon Crematorium, which had its very last funeral on 30 June 2004.

3. You would prefer to stay in primary school than coming to Millennia Institute. Take a look at the schools opposite Millennia – Maris Stella High School (for Bartley) and Bukit Timah Primary School (for Toh Tuck).

4. Millennia Institute (Bartley) offers you a wide-range of physical training activities. Putting PE lessons aside, you might wish to join the lunch-time training programme (though it is non-voluntarily for most, and once you are in you will never be out). You will then have clock 4 days of physical training a week. Doesn’t that sound exciting?

5. I did not know that Switzerland is actually smaller than Singapore until a schoolmate (I am still hunting for his name) from Toh Tuck campus pointed that out publicly, much to the amusement to a General Officer, in a seminar held at Nanyang Junior College.

6. The theory of ‘Hot Air rises, Cold Air sinks’ is definitely applicable and proven in Millennia Institute.

7. Food @ MIB for men: You are trained how to survive, in advance, with food in NS at Bartley Campus. The food offered here is about the same, if not worst, in both quality and quantity.

8. Food @ MIB for women: Your one-stop station for natural slimming process without any equipment or medication. It is cheap and a real money-saver! It is also free, if you don’t eat, that is. The only possible side effect is getting the anorexic syndrome.

9. MIB is a school with multi facades. It resembles an old hospital, WWII Japanese army HQ, deserted chalet, isolated building, and of course, a haunted mansion.

10. MIB is the place where you can never walk out of the classroom dry when it rains. You will have a natural water fountain and floods all over the school. Thanks so much for not serving your purposes, drains!

11. MIB have the potential to follow the footsteps of Nicoll Highway with the grounds trembling and the building shaking. The fact that both the Institute and Highway are affected by the Circle Line does not really assure me.

12. The ratio of population in MIB to MIT is 1:3.

13. Maris Stella kids are just a bunch of spoilt kids who jams the road traffic in the morning and terrorises the bus services in the noon.

14. If your ambition happens to be the world’s top Grand Pix driver, you should try out the route along Bartley Road and within MIB.

why the plans

2011-04-17T02:43:00.001+08:00

Jia Yun was wondering why I did I plan out my tentative academic schedule 4 months in advance, and honestly I have no idea why too. My PS3257 saviour poignantly pointed out that I should concentrate on my exams right now, and should not be distracted. I concede that should be my priority too.

Perhaps, it may be that I have given up hope on my current semester. Either that, or I am looking forward to what awaits in AY11/12 with great enthusiasm and excitement.

More plausibly, it could be both or none of the above.

-

On another note, I have truly let go on certain issues which have bugged me way too long. I have rationalized these issues, and honestly it makes no sense to retain them just to haunt myself. More importantly, the likelihood of these issues transforming into serious troubles are really minimal. But whenever I try let to them go, I tend to think am I over-simplifying these issues. Or am I just too worrisome, with a pessimistic perspective that things will always turn out for the worst?

Sometimes, things are not that complicated. All it takes a fair bit of determination, and requires one to be resolute on putting things behind. Sometimes, it is good to make preparations for the worst. But one should always bear in mind that realism is never about pessimism.

We all need sunshine to guide us and prevent us from getting lost in the storms in our lives.

steamboat without a cause

2011-04-16T23:41:00.002+08:00

I seriously think without Teck Peng, we would really only have to make do with steamboat. Because of him, we had stirred-fried vegetables and chicken for the past two sessions. And it is really good! I also felt quite bad yesterday, when he had to cook and wash the dishes [in the absence of PH]. Thanks, bro.

It is good to have a few close friends to gather and have fun together. It really feels like one big family under a roof. And of course, thanks to Jianrong, PH, Serena (surprise surprise), Amira, Jamie, Camie, Hikoto, Cindy and Wenjie for coming down! I have no idea what called for these occasions. Perhaps, the formal reasons could be to celebrate CNY in the NEL way, and to welcome Hikoto back from Japan.

But at the end of the day, do you really need a reason for friends to be together?

mastermind

2011-04-16T19:59:00.000+08:00

And so, the modules for the next academic year is out. It is something which I am extremely grateful for, since it literally helped me to reach the decision that I will not go to SMU for exchange. Yes, I have decided to stay in NUS and gamble with NUS Casino.

PS4207: International Law and Institutions
PS2237: Introduction to International Relations
PS2248: Chinese Politics
PS2237: European Politics
HY2231: Upheaval in Europe (1848 - 1918)
GEK1021: Crime Fiction in English and Chinese

In total, that would give me the heaviest academic workload I would ever experience in NUS with 25 MCs. Then again, I reckon an additional 1 MC from my normal workload makes no substantial difference. And if NUS Registrar is not lying to me, then I would most probably be taking the following modules in Year 3 Semester 2:

PS4218: European Foreign Policy
PS4203: China's Foreign Policy
PS2234: Introduction to Comparative Politics
HY3254: Cold War in East Asia
SSB2212: Singapore Legal System: Implications For Business

That would kick start my slackest academic workload in NUS, with 22 MCs for the remaining 3 semesters. By the time I complete AY12/13 Semester 2, I could finally graduate. (Yay?)

Honestly, I have no idea if I wish to drop the second major in History. If I do, I could actually graduate after AY12/13 Semester 1. (But then again, what's the point of graduating earlier than my peers?) The real issue is, I find no more reason for me to continue with this program.

But neither have I found the reason to dissuade me from thinking. Yet.

B4 NUS

2011-04-15T04:40:00.000+08:00

Dinner with Elly and Phoebe two Fridays ago inevitably drew back memories we used to have in Millennia Institute.

You see, many of us thought of our days at Millennia as a surreal experience. It just seems so weird, but the folks there are nice and friendly. And despite our differences, I genuinely do miss my class every now and then. It may come a bit surprising for some, because I am not one who always confess to such sentiments. As Elly and I agreed, MI will always be a part of us and there would certainly be times we would think and laugh about those silly things we did.

Perhaps yes, 04B4 is probably the only class which prefers to play instead of study. Seldom did we ever spend time hitting on the books; we were more interested in having fun. (But hey, we were the best performing class at the A levels for some odd reason.) And it was really those days when we could afford to be silly. It was the time of our lives - at least, we would have thought so. After that, we would have to grapple with National Service (different experiences) and intense studying at tertiary institutes (or so we thought).

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Acting Cute at 18"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Inspiration for Infernal Affairs"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_240" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Happily Injured"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_520" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Elly and Janu, although seldom mentioned, are two of the closest friends in Millennia."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_519" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="This, at the insistence of Sila (who made us to do this shot), resulted in the tragic misunderstanding of 2006. Talk about viral . . . scandal(s)."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_240" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Unholy Trinity"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_240" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Haunting session of Ignatius and Economics proved lethal."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="606" caption="Describing my love affair with Economics, much to the amusement of my PRINCIPAL who read my notes"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="368" caption="Mafia Boys of 04B4"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="412" caption="The Mafias"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="381" caption="Mama Tan and her rascals"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="384" caption="Perhaps, the best photo of STD thus far."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Though sometimes it is good to leave Terrance and Dominic to their own world."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="The same applies when Mark and Bertram decide to do a typical Mark-ish kawaii pose, which freaks the hell out of me."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Mark, alone. And I bet this is really nothing compared to what he eats in Australia now."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="368" caption="Shahida, jokingly: "If only you are not a Chinese." To which I replied, "If only you are not a Malay"."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="320" caption="Ouch. Stupid Terrance and poor Farhan."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="368" caption="Ms Ng, arguably one of the hottest teachers around. Arguably."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="457" caption="Council, formal"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="331" caption="Council, informal"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="259" caption="Looks like Ignatius is prepared to be a father since . . . 2006."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="I cannot help if my best friend opts to be a rabbit . . ."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Or an owl, for that matter."][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="368" caption="The Graduating Bowlers of Class 2006"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="450" caption="And our cosy council room! Omg I miss this place!"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Facade of Millennia Institute at Bartley"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Compared to the interior of Millennia Institute today"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="Welcome to Millennia Institute Bartley Campus, when time stood still since 1945"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="400" caption="The horrifying toilet which no boy in the right mind would enter. Not even to change clothes."][/caption]

Of course, there are many more photos but I am not inclined to upload the entire album up here. Aside photos, words said are equally memorable too. And as I recall the old jokes we used to make, it makes me realised that time has indeed past so fast beyond my imagination.

So here are some snippets of what was said (or written) back in those days. Let's start with Elly's News (July 2006).

Date: 29th July, Saturday
Time: Afternoon; after MI Marathon
Venue: Macritchie Reservior

As Millenians would know that we had our marathon on this day and after the marathon, most students would go home or go hang around somewhere else…

BUT… …

our very own MI paparazzi team, which one of our member was sent out as a mole, spotted something intriguing ahead of her…

Seems boring…

(?!) What was that gesture for? Look on to find out the story!

Not long after, they disappeared into this suspicious looking side-trail…

Our brave mole decided to investigte further…

Very soon we found this sign sticking out from the ground…

And a suspicious dark looking hidden path, hidden by the leaves with a pretty lil flower blossoming… Is it an omen of some kind?

More bushes and leaves covering after we tried to peep in! But coincidentally, we chanced upon these two heart-shaped leaves, interestingly connected to each other by the vine… The MI paparazzi team decided not to continue in our pursue…

Hence, we leave this to the reader’s own speculation. Of course we didn’t mention that the two suspects were Tan Seng Kiat and Sila Gurung whom we suspect were having an illicit affair, did we?

A short MI short gossip brought to you by news host aiLing, with Anju the mole and Janu the first-eye witness.

We serve to bring you up-to-date news and keep it as original as possible (and also unsuggestive) so as to not influenece our reader’s opinions.

Your interest is what we serve.

A teacher's response to my scribblings on Literature Paper 1 Preliminary Exam Booklet

SK wrote: "honestly dude (Thomas Hardy), where did you find time in the world to think abt such stuff?!"
Ms Teh replied: "honestly dude, where did you find time in the world to write such comments? WHERE IS MY HOMEWORK?!"

Saravanan, on how Mrs Joy Tan set her eyes on Bertram

"It is best to avoid Bert during history lesson as he is pretty dangerous, because lightning will strike wherever he is".

Terrance, reacting to a potential calamity:

Terrance: "Okay great now I shall start acting gay with Dominic again."
Dominic (extremely stunned): "Why? Whatever for?"
Terrance: "To save myself."
Dominic: "Haha. No."
(A few moments later)
Terrance, with a spastic face: "Ooh look at Dom's arms! Nice and sexy bisceps with tanned skin!"
[insert action; start touching Dominic's arms]
Dominic: ". . ."

10 minutes into a cab ride to Taman Jurong for bowling training

Text received from Ignatius: "uncle never on meter...sssh"
Salmon [reading out loud]: "UNCLE NEVER ON METER SSSHH"
Taxi driver: "HUH?!"
Edmund: "Eh uncle, you never on the meter."
Ignatius and Salmon, face-palmed.
Text received from Ignatius: "LUCKY I AM NOT SITTING BEHIND. IF NOT I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU".

A prototype of our daily conversation during our 8 consecutive free periods

Terrance: "Eh do you know cockcoaches can survive from radiation? In fact they will grow bigger!"
Saravanan: "Yah I know that. They have been surviving since the Dinosaurs' age."
Terrance: "That's why I think cockroaches survived the radiation from WWII. And they are getting bigger. You know if I don't clear the rubbish bin in my house, I will find a few big cockroaches."
Saravanan: "Imagine what can radiation do to the cockroaches. Make them grow as big as Godzilla, which afterall is a lizard which grew in size because of radiation what!"
Bertram: "Then how are you gonna kill the giant cockroach? Use insecticide and spray on its eyes ah? Or use laser and cut it into half? Or mobilize Star Troops?"

Ignatius, demonstrating on how to be a best friend while I was sitting for my papers

its now exactly 12pm, this is a 3hours paper, good locky, you may begin writing. and please do not get distracted that your friend is enjoying himself now. LOL :p :p
12.05.14pm

one hour pass, two more hours before are free. LOL.
1:02:38PM

Dominic, to avoid the continuous slapbet from Terrance

"Terrance, I know you love me too much but this is not the place to display our love"
"Terrance, we are still living in a very conservative society where we are not widely accepted"
"Okay I am sorry that I stood you up for yesterday night. I promise you that I will not run away tonight"
"Terrance, this is not the place to do S&M. We will do it proper tonight"

Mark, and his definition of DUH

Definitely!
Undeniably!
How could you ever missed it?!

Dominic, on releasing stress and tension (by protecting Bertram's toy rubber yellow ducky)

Dominic: "Seng Kiat, let me tell you a secret"
Eric: "Okay...what?"
Dominic: "I am the secret guardian angel of the yellow rubber ducky. Don't tell it okay, I don't want it to know."
Eric: "Urm. Okay. So how are you going to protect the yellow rubber ducky?"
DJ, wth Mark's penknife in his hand: "I am going to kill anyone and everyone who is going to assasinate the yellow rubber ducky. For a start, I shall kill the owner of the chair (Terrance) I am sitting on now."

Dominic, on handling stress

Dominic: "nobody loves me. I'm gonna commit suicide" (Wields the penknife dangerously)
Mark: *stunned silence*
Dominic: "Okay wait. Change of plans. I'm gonna kill you first and then take my own life.
Mark and everyone else: "WTF?!"

Mrs Wee, on Terrance:

As for Terrance, oh my goodness! He is the craziest fellow in the class!

Shi Hong, Terrance, Dominic and SK's formal presentation in a history seminar, on how to solve Russia's problem of Land, Peace and Bread

First and foremost, we propose to bring Phoebe to Russia, and make her the national symbol and unity of Russia. We believe that this ultra cute kid who is perpetually happy and smiling (that is if you minus the times when she whines and complains). We are confident that Phoebe's infectious cute smile will certainly lift the spirits of the Russians, and thus give them the motivation to build a better and stronger Russia instead of dwelling in depression. It will be better if she acts like as if she is standing for General Election, by going around to shake people's hands and carry babies. For maximum effects, you might consider printing her portrait on money notes so that whenever one is sad, he or she just need to take out a money note and look at it. You will sure be laughing, not because she looks funny but her smile is infectious.

Policy 2 is to go to the printing room and print out more money notes. Since, Russia was already experiencing hyperinflation, we might as well just create more of it since the situation cannot get any more worse. In this regard, please do not consider what Mrs Koh (Economics Tutor) taught us. It is radically different.

Policy 3: We aim to do the hard way. Eliminate all opposition to Bolsheviks' rule, and attract the masses with somesort of election campaign words such as "Your problem is Our problem - Trust the Bolsheviks!"

Last but not least, we will sign Free Trade Agreements with Germany and other major powers, though most European countries are still trying to rebuild themselves from the damages caused by the Great War (ironically, after rebuilding, all participated in World War II as if the rebuilding efforts were to prepare WWII). We believe in the inter-dependency that trade creates, and this will result in peace for not only Russians by throughout the world. We believe this is the way to go, even if it seems to be too modern. Mr Lenin, please accept our proposal.

(And can you believe it, this was made into a video as a teaching material for some history conference?)

Ah, good old times. When we were young, at least.

buckism

2011-04-15T03:18:00.000+08:00

In all honesty, I think this is really good.

That is before I realise the person is. . . Mohamed Hussein. Or should I say, BUCKY.

And here is my reaction.

OMFG THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE BUCKY AT ALL! DID HE GET ANOTHER GUY TO SING ON HIS BEHALF?! HE SOUND SO DIFFERENT OMGGGG! WHERE IS THAT USUAL KAOBEI VOICE?!

Okay evidently, as Crystal pointed out, I have difficulty in acknowledging his not-bad voice. Yes, I admit there is buck-ism in me. Essentially, that means psychology of prejudice against Mohamed Hussein.

I'm in an utter state of shock.

orange and blue prints

2011-04-14T04:36:00.000+08:00

What does Year 3 means for you?

For some, it is the final lap. And that is the case for Jeanette, and I wish her all the best in her future endeavors.

[caption id="attachment_498" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="sk, jnette and camie (:"][/caption]

For students who aspire to do honours, it is basically just another year to get by. But not for me. I think Year 3 is the last chance for me to make amends, because by the time I reach Year 4, the score will not improve drastically. Which means . . .

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="480" caption="Here we are, at the crossroad once again"][/caption]

I have to make my decisions carefully, since I do not wish to ruin my grades once again. Ironically, taking 7 modules may seem to be the way out since I will be preoccupied with studies and I will have no time for anything else in the world. Granted, I may not like this kind of lifestyle as I am a firm believer of balancing social life with academic work. I would do whatever is necessary to pursue academic excellence and get myself back on track.

Furthermore, it seems that 6 modules is not exactly deterring me. In fact, I am getting a bit too slack for my own good. Somehow, I feel no guilt in getting mediocre grades and justified it by thinking "well, I am taking 6 modules so it is inevitable". If 7 modules will make me feel intimidated (as I did in Year 1 Semester 1), then by all means I will do it. No doubt, like what a friend said, I will be "very miserable". But I am a man who is motivated by fear. If I am not afraid, I would not fight for anything.

On another note, I have to decide whether should I continue with my second major in History. I do love History still, but HY3206: East Asian International Relations make me realised that I am more of a Social Sciences than a Humanities student. I hate to admit it, but for the first time I am actually struggling with History. It seems that I am capable of reading (and excelling in) lvl 2 modules for History. But lvl 3? In all honesty, I think HY tutorials are more combative and competitive than PS tutorials. Strange, huh?

If I wish to drop my second major, then next semester is the time when I stop taking HY modules (goodbye, Corinne). After all, once I am done with this semester, I am done with the 28 MCs for Unrestricted Electives component. If I wish to continue my HY major, then I must take six more HY modules with at least three being lvl 3. Thanks to History Department's 3 year blueprint, I am able to plan what I wish to do in advance:

HY2231: Upheaval in Europe
HY3204: Southeast Asia: Decolonization & After
HY2245: Empires, Colonies and Imperialism
HY2220: Korea in the Twentieth Century
HY3254: Cold War in East Asia
HY3239: The United States in the Asia-Pacific

That translates to 2 HY modules per semester, until Yr4 Semester 1. But I have to be realistic in evaluating whether it is worth continuing my second major in HY. It used to be the modules saving my CAP, but honestly after this semester, I am not so sure about it. Interest is one thing, but scoring well is another. After all, my honours classification do determine my employment prospect.

The aforementioned is for History. Now, I have to consider my primary major: Political Science. Now that I have completed 88 MCs, I am able to take Lvl 4 modules next semester. Honestly, I am not that excited about taking Lvl 4 modules but the thought of doing Thesis (assuming I am good enough for it) and 5 lvl 4 modules in my Honours year (still questionable) is quite a horror.

Unfortunately, the Department do not have any long-term plan made known to the students. Moreover, the Department may not offer the modules I am interested in because of manpower constraints and I guess, the professors have their own plans. So there is no point to think what modules should I do. So whatever I am talking now are subjective to changes. If anything, it is aspirational.

PS4203: China's Foreign Policy
I think I do enjoy studying foreign policies, and I am not exactly alien to Chinese politics. The key problem for this module is, I may have to understand Chinese political economy. And trust me, I have never been a great fan of economics.

PS4207: International Law and Institutions
This is probably my 'to-die-for' module. I would not give up anything else for this module. At the very least, it is very different from the current IR modules I am reading right now.

PS4218: European Foreign Policy
Since I am taking EU3228: European Union and ASEAN in the World, I guess it would give me a good background to this module. And since I have a comparative advantage (for myself, and not against others), I would say why not?

PS4881: Topics in Comparative Politics
I may be specializing in International Relations, but I still have a soft spot for Comparative Politics (aww). But I am just afraid that I have not taken enough modules to gain an in-depth knowledge on this subfield. If offered, I would love to do either PS4881A: Comparative Political Institutions OR PS4881B: Malaysian Politics. If not, I doubt I would ever dare to do any CP modules at Lvl 4.

You do realise that I have conveniently left out Public Administration (sorry, Jade) and Political Theory (sorry, Xiang). I have sworn to myself that I will never take any module under these two baskets (pun unintended). Okay, I lied. I may make an exception for Politics and Visual, but like I said that is an exception. If more than one exception is created, then what defines exceptionalism? Point is, I will never wish to commit suicide with PA or PT.

What about security studies? Okay, as much as I am happy with counter-terrorism, security studies encompass more than that aspect and I am not confident of handling this subfield. To get away with a B+ for International Security is a heavenly reward bestowed from above (thanks, Bellcurve). Unless I am left with no choice (read: cornered by PT and PA v Security Studies), I would choose security studies modules.

-

Surprising, right? No one would believe that for a person who seem to be nonchalant about most stuff actually thinks ahead. Haha.

Somehow, looking forward to the future makes me happy. Yes, things may not always go according to plan but I am glad that at least there is something I could anticipate for.

this is what we do

2011-04-13T04:35:00.000+08:00

When we are bored and having lunch together at The Deck.

Which reminds me, we did that before too. But in this case, with (now-obsolete, or as Jianrong would believe to be) MSN Messenger.

I guess we were (are) really bored.

fear of attempts

2011-04-10T04:33:00.000+08:00

One should read this in tandem with 'In Other News'.

If there is anything that I admire in Nobel Nobleman, it would be his courage in pursuing what he wants. Or at the very least, he is never afraid to try. Perhaps there might be fears and uncertainties, but he never allowed them to consume and deter him. It is fair to say that he is never held back by the potential problems arising from a possible failure. At the end of the day, he would not want to miss out a chance or the possibility of 'what if'.

Contrast that approach to mine. The role of 'what if' is a major factor, but in a different vein from Nobleman. I allow fears and uncertainties to get hold over me, and in the end I would swallow up every single word I want to say. In a logical course of development, that means I will end up doing nothing about it. And that is why I always get myself absorbed in repetitive mistakes. So much for being a History student, and not understanding the implications and learning lessons from whatever has happened (and perhaps, that is why the world always manage to screw itself every decade or so).

It is not that I do not understand that I have this problem. My favourite quote from Lucio (despite being amoral, he is my favourite character in Measure for Measure) shows that I am acutely aware of it:

Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.
-Lucio (Act I Scene IV, Measure for Measure)

And that is what I always remind myself. Doubt serves no practical purpose other than magnifying uncertainty and fear, so much so that we are no longer concerned with the merits of a successful attempt. We would narrow our minds to think what if we fail, and in the process creating a barrier within us. And that is why we choose not to pursue a certain path, even though we know the end result is perhaps of great happiness. We allow misery to triumph over happiness.

It could be observed in many decisions I made in my life, including Law. I do want it very badly because, frankly, it has always been my first choice. And I was close to achieving this goal. It all hinges on the joint acceptance platform: to accept the place offered, or to 'REJECT ALL OFFERS OF ADMISSION'. Obviously it takes no genius to figure our my choice. It may seem irrational and even foolish, but there are many factors that weighed on my mind. The most decisive factor was fear, and I caved in to the uncertainty of not being able to do well enough.

It is not that I do not wish to say or do things which will make me happy. Perhaps it may seem that it is not worth fighting for, but in fact it actually matters and I would be glad to give my all to that cause. But I am afraid, and that just holds me back. Neither am I emotionless or nonchalant about issues that matter to me. I do think about them every now and down, so it is actually a matter of whether I express them out. As Vanessa always like to say, it is not hard to predict what I do or understand that I have done certain things.

The mystery is always about what is going through my mind.

indifference

2011-04-08T11:30:00.000+08:00

A secondary school friend (Royston) once drew an interesting analogy between the Saiyan-jins in Dragonball and me, with the theme centred on anger management / explosion. For readers who did not read or watch the Japanese anime, the Saiyans are humanoid aliens (with a tail) and are born with the natural lust to fight.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="150" caption="Aww so cute and harmless right?"][/caption]

Apparently, not so cute and harmless. These humanoid aliens, when provoked and went through a great deal of emotional stress, would transform into something. . . very different.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="150" caption="Evolution of a Saiyan"][/caption]

If it is hard for you to comprehend what incites such a change, just think using Darwin's concept of evolution - with the catalyst being extreme emotions. Now, according to Royston, that is the same for my anger management. Or in his terms, the different evolutionary stages of my anger somehow change my appearance. And that makes me kinda go, "huh wth?!"

But that's not all. Royston decided that there is a final stage of my anger which brings about total irrationality and destruction. In other words, I would end up being like this:

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="150" caption="Golden Oozaru"][/caption]

What? Gorilla? No kidding, Saiyans could turn into an Oozarus (Big Ape) all thanks to the tail. Most Oozarus are devoid of any rationality and guided by a natural instinct to cause ravage, and this is the charge the Royston made when I really blew my top. Similarly, Vanessa and Dominic used to say that I need to enroll myself in an anger management class.

Yes, I do admit that I was rather bad at anger management and only Vanessa and Royston got to see the worst side of me (when provoked). And I confess, tendencies are I would lost my mind when I am extremely angry. But to my defence, I only get worked up over legitimate reasons. Obviously, I do not throw chairs around on a daily basis.

Even so, I do think I have substantially changed my character since I entered National Service. I am no longer quick to anger, and I have adopted a more chilled perspective in life. Workaholic as I am (as Hong Chew and Nelson insist), I would not easily get worked up over things anymore. Coming to NUS has even made anger a dormant state lying within my innermost subconscious. In general, I am happy with life in NUS even though there are some who never fail to make me pissed off for some reason or another. That said, I could keep my anger under control and as far as I am concerned, no confrontation ever takes place.

Unfortunately, someone has earned the honour to enter my hit-list right now. As much as I hate to be in this state, I am gradually transforming into a war-machine with a capacity to destruct (no, not self-destruction). I do not even recall hating someone so badly back in secondary school, when my anger management skills are rated negative on the measuring scale. Obviously I have matured over the years, and I am not going to do anything to this person. But the mere mention of this person makes my blood boil and if I could, I would genuinely confront this person and give the subject a piece of my mind.

But why am I not going to do that? Simply because it is not worth my time and effort. In fact, being angry is pointless. To be angry means I do care about this issue, and in all honesty I do not care. I am going to be indifferent, and never was I ever devoid of any emotional attachment or empathy towards others. But this time, I have to be and I will be.

Correction. I am already indifferent.

Political Inquisition

2011-04-08T04:31:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to PS3257: Political Inquiry, which affects my academic career more than every other modules I have read combined together.

If I may, I would compare the learning process of PS3257 to the Inquisition. Yes indeed, we (common folks who could never comprehend statistics) were slaughtered.

If I may, I would say that PS3257 is an intergenerational war-machine named Stalin II, which serves to kill generations of NUS Political Science students in perpetuity.

And that is true. I am struggling and suffering with PS3257. But that does not mean there is no take away from this module. At the very least, I benefit with greater insights on how to write a thesis (that is, if I am ever going to do well to qualify for a thesis).

But more importantly, it changes the mechanism and governance of my thought processes. Surprisingly.

fallen

2011-04-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

I used to pride as an individual who can handle and internalize stress on my own. One who never bows to pressure, or at least that I used to think.

But in light of all events and happenings, self-courted or otherwise, evidently I have lost that part of me. I am still terribly crushed by things and people.

I need my breathing space.

Excuse Me

2011-04-07T14:04:00.002+08:00

Recently, I have come across some Christians whose behaviour confounds me with great complexity. The term Christian is contestable, but for the purpose of this entry it is defined as a group of believers who believe in the mystery of the Holy Trinity and regards Christ Jesus as the Messiah. And yes, this definition includes Catholics.

Now, I have no idea what leads some Christians to have "holier than thou" attitude. It apparently seems that this few people are sending the vibes to some of my friends that the Christian community is full of saints and holy people, and therefore Christians have a higher moral ground than other people. I would argue this is a fallacious thought, and the assumptions that shape such idea is absolutely false. Please do note that this article is not directed to any individual. If any, the objective of this article to address the mistaken concept that some Christians exhibit.

#1: Christians or otherwise, we are equal creations of God
If you are indeed a Christian, why do you have an idea of exclusivity? Yes, Christianity is a big community but at the same time, are we not taught that all things - including human beings - are creations of God? At the very least, according to Catholic theology, all goodness in humans are inspired from the Grace of God. So if you are a Christian, arguing from a Christian perspective, you should realise that our moral ground derives from the same Fountain of Goodness. What makes you think the water you drink is different from others?

#2: Truth and Moral could be found in other religions
To claim that your religion has a higher moral ground than others is to say that people of other faith are not as holy as you (supposedly) are. This is a highly offensive implication, and I hope no one would actually assume this vein of thought. I believe that there is truth in every religion, and at the end of the day, religion is responsible for spreading the message of peace, love and happiness to every individual and community.

For Catholics, it is perhaps wise to look at the NOSTRA AETATE declaration by Pope Paul VI.

The Catholic Church rejects nothing that is true and holy in these religions. She regards with sincere reverence those ways of conduct and of life, those precepts and teachings which, though differing in many aspects from the ones she holds and sets forth, nonetheless often reflect a ray of that Truth which enlightens all men.

Is it not clear that Truth could be found in other religions?

#3: Religion is not the only channel to inculcate good moral values
This a humanistic argument, but this pertains to people who do not profess any faith. Are they amoral? I believe they could be more moralistic than people who profess a faith in a religion. And their values are not derived from any religion, but through family and education. Are we not taught to be filial to our parents, and courteous to people? Are we not told that we should not do harm to others? The list could go on, but the main point is: no one from a particular has a higher moral leverage over others. We are all called to Moral and Values in different ways.

#4: Christianity is a community of sinners
Critics would challenge the aforementioned hypothesis that the Church is a community of sinners. In particular, they would point that the Catholic Church canonizes holy men and women as Saints for Catholics to imitate. I concede that we the Church is made up of holy men and women, but the same goes for other religions.

We are all called to be saints in our daily life, but the key thing is we are all sinners. Yes, the Church is a community of sinners. But we strive to the Kingdom of Heaven, and even saints are sinners in their own ways (though perhaps, not praying to God is already a sin to them). Look at Saint Peter, the rock of the Church who followed Christ during that three years of Christ's public ministry. Did he not deny Christ three times? Or Saint Paul, who persecuted Christians before his conversion. Did they not repent and seek to lead a better Christian life after their mistakes?

The key point I am driving here is, we sin (at least according to Christian doctrines). But more importantly, we repent and improve after our mistakes. That is the point. Christians should not assume a higher moral ground and think they do not sin. Indeed, some Christians hold the belief that once baptized, you are saved (and safe) forever. I would think this is absolute rubbish. Assuming a Christian committed murder and unrepentant, is this person absolved from his sin? No. If a person who commits murder and is repentant of his mistake (note the non-religious element here), he is definitely of a higher moral standing than the unrepentant Christian.

Concluding Remark
This entry is largely a reaction to what my non-Christian friends have been talking about, and honestly I do feel for them. It is sad that some Christians think they are saving other people, without knowing they themselves need to be saved as well (Christian perspective for Christians). The central thesis here is that Christians do not have any legitimate claim to a higher moral ground than anyone else. To press for such a claim would only contradict and tarnish whatever moral truth Christianity seeks to impart to its believers.

We cannot truly call on God, the Father of all, if we refuse to treat in a brotherly way any man, created as he is in the image of God. Man's relation to God the Father and his relation to men his brothers are so linked together that Scripture says: "He who does not love does not know God" (1 John 4:8).
-NOSTRA AETATE

In Other News

2011-04-07T12:53:00.001+08:00

Just as much as some of us seek to find supporting evidence for reasons to justify it is true, there are others who search for signs that say it is otherwise an imagination.

Perhaps it is self-denial. We all know it well, right from the start. It is not in hindsight. We chose to go along with the confirmation bias we are seeking, for a specific purpose. But what is this specific purpose?

Perhaps we are just not ready to face the truth. Perhaps, we just do not know what to do. Yes, we may know what is happening but how should we react to it?

That is why, some chose to embrace and confront it. But there will always be people running away from it.

Run, and never return.

gee.gee.max

2011-04-01T01:40:00.001+08:00

Without any sign or warning, my beloved Fujitsu S6421 decided to die on me at this time and space when I desperately need it. And of all time, when I am halfway through my essay. Damn it.

If I have to write a letter to plead for it to regain its sanity, this is probably how I would pen it.

Dear S6421, I am sorry that I have made you overworked for the past 2 weeks (and not producing any fruitful or visible result in the form of essays). My selfish desire to complete my coursework(s) at a certain standard may have drained you too, but please don't die on me.

You do know I am begging you because ~~I love you~~ of the information I have entrusted in you. To be more precise, I am referring to the entire academic work and notes that I have stored in you.

Otherwise, I would replace you with another laptop. Even if I have you repaired and serviced, you will be exiled to Uncle Muthi.

Be warned.

Sincerely yours,

Eric Thomas C. Tan

sur·rep·ti·tious and penance

2011-03-29T17:23:00.002+08:00

So, it has been more than a month since I updated this space. I did contemplate deleting this blog and move on to another address. Sometimes, I need my personal breathing space and there are times when I am subordinated to the pressure of intense scrutiny. It is just one of the times when one wants to be alone for a little while, before mustering whatever courage that is required to confront the challenges that awaits.

And that is the reason why I am preserving this site. I do not wish to indulge myself in escapism, and I am grateful that my friends do care. Otherwise, they would not be bothered with whatever I was doing and trying to get me back on my feet. And here I am, ready to brave the storm out there.

I have made quite a number of mistakes throughout the two months or so, and in all honesty it feels very surreal. The mistake is not towards the injured party I have hurt in the process, but the circumstances that I chose to place myself in without careful consideration on whether I am ready for it and that is really what I wanted. While I admit that I was relatively carefree and really tried (with all sincerity) to make things work during that one month, I realised it was a dream in which I seek to escape from the crushing realities I need to face in life.

In retrospect, I really have no idea what I was doing. Or should I say, it seems that I allowed myself to live in a state of mindlessness, and to merely going along with the flow of nature. Nature, in this case, is defined as unplanned opportunities that I chanced upon. If I had given more careful thoughts and barred emotions from affecting my judgment, I would not have hurt a kind soul who has been so sweet to me. For that, I believe that I do deserve to be condemned at every level. And I will not even attempt to mount an attempt to defend myself, because I know it is indefensible.

But painful as it was, I know I have to break away from this illegitimate entanglement. In fact, I was spared from making such this necessary decision, with the injured party bearing the pain and burden instead. In any case, it is unacceptable to carry on with this engagement when there are lingering doubts over whether is this truly what I should be doing. With the full knowledge that this may not be what I want, the only option is terminate all operations.

I absolutely despise myself for what I have done and for the resulting irreparable injury. I am thankful for the dedication and careful consideration the injured party has for me, with the specifications that I must think for myself and stop thinking for others - something which all my friends have urged me to act on. Knowing that I could not bear to utter the voice within me, the injured party took on the responsibility to communicate the decision. I am full of gratitude and at the same time, guilt.

However, the decision has been made and I have hiding away from the light for too long. I need to face the music and I am doing so right now. It may not be easy, but I believe I have to clear up the mess that I have created for myself since the start of this year. Among the many messes that I have created, I decided to clear the spiritual debt that has been accumulating since 2009.

After all, if I do not get things right with God, how could I ever possibly get anything right? The Church has provided me the golden opportunity to do so during this season of Lent, when the faithful are called for repentance and self-denial of worldly pleasures in preparation for Easter.

Church of Saints Peter and Paul

Halfway during the study session with Jianrong, P.H, David and Teck Peng, I decided to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Penance (otherwise as 'Confession') at Church of Sts Peter and Paul. Partly this is owed towards the canon law requirement that all Catholics must receive this sacrament at least once a year, but more so because my last confession was in 2009 and I would not want to celebrate Easter without being absolved from my sins. I would never want to miss Easter Vigil, as it is the spiritual equivalent to my birthday as a Catholic.

In particular, I feel guilty about not celebrating Mass actively. What makes it worse is that my residence is right smack in between four Catholic churches (Christ the King, Immaculate Heart of Mary, St Vincent de Paul and The Nativity). You know something is terribly wrong when Shujian celebrates Mass more often than I do. And indeed, ever since I embarked on my studies in NUS, I did not even bother making the effort to attend Mass. In the entire of 2010, I only celebrated Mass on Christmas Day itself. So in a way, the Sacrament of Penance opens the pathway for me to return to the Church.

What I like about the Sacrament is that the Confessor would never be judgmental of the penitent and his or her acts, regardless whether it is a mortal or venial sin. In particular, my Confessor (Friar Thomas Lim) had kind words for me when I expressed doubts on God and His Mercy:

His Forgiveness is so great that it is beyond what the human mind can ever conceive. For us, we may find it difficult to forgive certain people and certain deeds. But that is a human measure of forgiveness. One should not equate the forgiveness of God to be of the same magnitude of human beings. Remember, God forgives very easily! He forgives everything what you have done!

I guess this is what the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation is about. Confessing your sins is the first step to acknowledge the offences you have committed against God, with the aim to receive forgiveness. By doing so, you reconcile yourself with God.

Seeking Christ in Penance

That is why I would avoid labeling the sacrament summarily as 'Confession' - it does not reflect the reconciliatory and healing nature of the sacrament. The healing of the Sacrament is both spiritual and psychological. I remember how Rev. Fr. Frederick Quek counselled me over the lack of confidence in God and the issue of allowing my fears to consume me, when my paternal grandmother passed away in February 2009. I would always remember that I should seek God's presence when receiving the Sacrament, as it is not priest but God who absolves us from our sins.

This is why I love to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Penance, and would always confess my sins face-to-face to the priest-in-attendance. One have made the mistake, and should live up facing the consequences that come along.

And I believe being a Catholic makes me more resilient in facing difficulties and crises. This time round, there will be no exception either. I am now ready to sort my life in the right order, with hope that the mistakes I made would make me wiser.

GeeGee

2011-01-22T01:17:00.008+08:00

A friend had a terrible nightmare that she did not finish and submit her coursework in time.

On my side, I dreamed that my friend did finish her coursework and manage to submit it in the nick of time (putting aside the dissatisfaction she always has, anyway). The reality of the matter is, she really submitted her work in time. So, my dream came true.

Now, I also dreamed that I failed my mid-term exam. As if a 'F' grade is insufficient, I have to receive a 'GG' grade. It seems to suggest that a single 'G' grade (if such grade exists) is not enough to emphasize my incompetence, that my lecturer requires the combined effort of 'GG' to put across how horrible my essay was.

I hope that dream will not come true. And I never knew how influential Chun Kang is in my life. Good game, seriously.

Best Laid Plans

2011-01-02T18:27:00.000+08:00

Experience taught me that I should not make plans, because somehow the best laid plans never succeed.

I mean, look at KRODAC. We always act on impulse, preferring to go out at the very last moment. Seldom does our plan(s) work, and it is quite frustrating yet funny at times.

However, module planning is always frustrating but never funny. I initially planned to take Introduction to International Relations, Introduction to Comparative Politics, European Politics, Struggle for Modern China, East Asian International Relations, and Singapore Legal System: Implications on Business.

Now look what I am bidding right now:

GEK1512: Understanding How Internet Works (no complains, since I suggested that haha)
HY3206: East Asian International Relations
PS3257: Political Inquiry
EU3228: The EU and ASEAN in the World
HY2229: Nation-building in Singapore

My sixth and last module is currently undecided, as it is pretty much decided by the forces of demand and supply. But it is really just a choice between SSB2216: Employee Management in Singapore, or SSB1204: Labour Law in Singapore. And of course, I must be willing and able to pay for the minimum bid point. Like what Phuay Hiang says, bidding is really an art.

I am quite apologetic to Nathan and Kelvin, as I promised to take Introduction to International Relations with them this semester. And not forgetting Xiang Ling and Kelvin (again), as I promised them to clear Political Inquiry next semester. But as I am planning to go to SMU or University of Bristol (start planning now, Crystal) for exchange, I think it is better for me to clear my core essentials first. But nothing is set in stone, so I got to see how things go.

And that's it. You realise my current set of game is quite different from my previous game with CORS. Not to mention that the time table seems promising, in the sense that it promises to be a horrible schedule that I have to live with for 4 months. At the present moment, I do not to intent to use my S/U since I think I may do well in the non-FASS modules. I do, however, would love to have a S/U option for Political Inquiry.

Right, SK. Keep dreaming.

"Your life depends on your dream, so go sleep."
- Husky Wong, 2008.

PS, I Love You

2011-01-01T13:04:00.002+08:00

I remember once, before we went on a date, she asked me to close my eyes and describe how she looks like. I remembered every details, and it was more than what she expected. And I remember how she looked at me, and how much bliss she felt. I love to see her melt, as much as I love the melting feeling in my heart.

Now, as I close my eyes in silence, I thought to myself on her features and how she looked at me on Christmas Day. Perhaps it may sound haunting to many, but I enjoy it. It brings a smile to my face, even if my heart felt multiple stabs of pain. I long to hold her hands and face again, and touch her hair gently. I don't wish to open my eyes.

Because when I do, I realise the closest thing I can ever touch is a photograph of her and recalling how it felt like. I really miss that feeling, and miss her tickling me. I want to see the innate happiness and the enjoyment she derives from making my goose bumps stand. I can only read the letters that she write with love, and no longer hear her voice.

But Jasmine, I love you. I have never regretted the six months which felt like more than a year. Thank you, Jasmine.

2011

2011-01-01T12:31:00.001+08:00

May I begin my first post of the year thanking everyone for their kind concern towards Jasmine, and me. It is not an easy decision, and definitely I do not want this decision if given a choice. The separation pains both parties, and I am grateful for the every support and encouraging words spoken to us individually. Special thanks to Ignatius, Crystal, Teck Peng, Terrance, Serena, PH, Jian Rong, Camie, Bucky, Kelvin, Alvin, Yu Liang, Tammy, Kathleen and my PUS buddies.

The New Year has begun, and despite the happiness that surrounds the festival, I really felt lonely in the crowd. The significance of a New Year has lost its meaning with the loss of the centre of my life. Frankly, deep down in my heart, I would reverse the decision. I really want to, but I cannot do it. I cannot be selfish to keep her by my side, and I cannot get her back as she would never retract from decisions made. If I cannot keep the promise of building a future with her together, I should at least keep my fundamental promise to make her happy. After all, she has been the centre of my life and will continue to be a major part of me. If this will free her from pain, I am willing to do anything for her as I promised to. I am contented that (at this stage) we still have feelings for each other. That is, perhaps, the greatest consolation for me.

Speaking of pain, it is not something easy to endure. Every where I go, and whatever I do, I am always reminded of her and what we would always do. Take for example, a train ride. I would remember where we would always sit, and how she would lie on my shoulder and sleep. Or, Gulliver's Travels. Everything sounds so familiar. But I am not in a position to speak about it, because she is feeling more painful than I am. On top of the pain of separation which both of us are suffering from, she also has to heal the wound I have inflicted on her.

Today is a Saturday, and every day of this week I would be at her house to accompany her and her parents. I realise I cannot do without her To forget about her? To do without her? It is by no means easy, or even feasible. I cannot imagine a life without her, and I do not wish to have a life without her. The love is real, and even if time can dilute the words spoken, I would always remember this angel who transformed my life.

I loved her, and I do love her still. She is the face I cannot forget. She turned my days into heaven. She may be the love that I can never be worthy to have again. But secretly I am glad, that she may come to me from the shadows in the past that I will always remember. Till the day I die.

Gone art thou, Gentle Angel

2011-01-01T03:38:00.006+08:00

Gone art thou, gentle angel

She is gone, no longer here with you

You are on your own.

Shed tears if you wish,

Or smile because of the love you shared.

She is gone, far away from you

You are on your own.

You may close your eyes, hoping that she would return,

Or open your eyes and see the gifts she has left.

She is gone, after the separation

You are on your own.

The heart may be hollow without her,

Or it may be filled with the love you have for her.

She is gone, but never forgotten

You are on your own.

You can deny what the future brings and live in history,

Or be grateful for the future because of the cherished memories.

She is gone, and will always be loved.

You can cry and despair,

Or honour her Will and Prayer.

That is, to smile, love and go on.

Last Message for My Darling and Sweetheart

2010-12-31T11:50:00.004+08:00

Dearest Jasmine, my friend,

At this point, nothing else could be said. All I wish to say is, the six months were not spent in vain. I still love you, in the same vein as you do. But like you said, we both need to move on and I am trying. But here is my last message dedicated for you. Be it as my darling sweetheart or as a friend, I hope you would accept this.

Friend, All Is Well

Departing is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next identity.
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, we are still friends.

Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be associated with joy that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Love means all that it ever meant.

It is the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am beside you, not here but there, somewhere very near,

Just around the corner.

All is well.

The Dynamics of NELism

2010-10-15T23:32:00.003+08:00

Jian Rong: "This tastes like chicken ass. Eh, it is really chicken back side."
Yung Joon: "Oh? Got shit smell?"

Phuay Hiang: "Ooohhh this is bobo chacha with carrot!"
*stunned silence*
Jian Rong: "THAT'S SWEET POTATO! WHO THE HELL PUTS CARROT IN DESSERTS!"
Seng Kiat: "Relax. Forgive her. She is only four!"

David: "Eh got fly on my durian! Should I eat it?"
Yung Joon: "Just take it as sesame and eat it."

blessed sweet twenty

2010-10-05T03:47:00.000+08:00

Happy and blessed 20th birthday, darling!

If you are wondering why I did not post anything on Facebook or on the birthday blog which I set up, it is because I am waiting for the end of your birthday celebrations. Besides being the one planning and celebrating your birthday, I also wish to be the person who collects the different memories of your birthday celebrations. I really hope you had a wonderful birthday celebration, if not the best celebration so far. As the saying goes, the best is yet to be, and I hope it will indeed get better as each year progresses. And oh, if you are wondering where are my photos, I wish to let you know that this your day and therefore, I should not steal your limelight. I am glad to be the man doing all these little things for you.

For the past five months or so, you have been the light that has been guiding me. You give me assurance amidst darkness, and shine brightly as if you are a star. My life begins with you, and I am certain at the end of my life I will see you there too. You give me the reason to look forward to school every day, and you have become a permanent fixture in my life that I could never do without you even if it is for a day. You are so powerful that it only takes a simple text to brighten up my day. I cannot think of any other way to express how much you are a gift to me. And I am sure you will continue to shine brightly for the rest of my life. Or should I say, our lives together.

You are the better part of me, constantly reminding me on how to take care of my health, by eating more vegetables and hoping that I will turn in early. You wish nothing but the best for me, urge me to be more studious and help to print my readings. You dote on my family and treat them as your own, and baked cakes for my parents.

For your birthday, I pray you will age gracefully with love (from your family and friends). I also pray that you will be filled with wisdom, as you experience and learn new things in life. But above all, I wish you happiness and may Joy always be with you (: And if I make your life any better, I promise I will deliver a lifetime of bliss and faith of a better tomorrow for you ever.

Once again, happy 20th birthday, sweetheart.

Vivid

2010-09-10T17:27:00.001+08:00

I had a dream.

I was trapped in a room, surrounded by many doors at all four corners.

All I thought was to leave the room to somewhere. Where I wish to go is not important. It is getting out of the limbo that truly matters. I believe if I got out of the room, life will be normal again. Everything will be beautiful and I will get to see the sunlight again.

I found myself to be in the possession of a bunch of keys. But it seems that these keys are not able to get me out of the situation. I panicked, fearing that I would be forever stuck in this dark and cold room which deprived me of the light and warmth that I desperately need. Yes, it is beyond the innate desire. I cannot survive without the sun.

Out of a sudden, a key managed to unlock one of the many doors. I breathed a sigh of relief, but a split second later, I hesitated. With the same key, I proceeded on and managed to unlock all the doors. Yes, I unlocked all doors without opening them.

I was afraid where each door would lead me to. I peeked through the openings but I saw no light at the other end behind each door. I feared.

It was a dilemma. I don't wish to make a wrong decision. But I had to make one, because I would rather be in anywhere else but here. Mustering every ounce of energy and courage within me, I randomly chose a.door and opened it.

AH! It is the exact same layout and atmosphere behind that door! Fear began tp overwhelmed me. I started to lose rationality and emotional control of myself. I tried with the same key, and it unlocked all doors for me again. Deja vu. Seems to be a vicious cycle.

Bearing in mind of the precedent, I began to contemplate over ky options, only to realise I have none to begin with. Whatever it is, I must face the consequences arising from my decisions.

So I randomly opened a door again, leaving my Fate to the hands of the Almighty. And I saw ...

Darkness. No light. I could not feel any warmth either. I surveyed around my surrounding. But this time, I sense familiarity and closeness to this surrounding. It was my room.

And the adventure ends at 4.26am. Cold sweat told me what it was all about.

Splendid Questions and Answers

2010-07-19T16:57:00.004+08:00

"So how different are things today as compared to before? (Urm...) Do not need to answer me now. Share it with us when we have our committee meeting later this week. Welcome on board!"
-You know you are in trouble when you are being invited to join a committee.

"You know, we really need good team players. Better still, best partnerships and marvellous teams! Do you guys know that the three of you make a fantastic team!"
-A higher level of skill to nab more than 3 scapegoats to do work at the same time. Brilliant.

A: "Are you free to help ?"
B: "No, not if I answer yes."
-Demonstrating how to get yourself out of a storm which is brewing.

C: "Why do I find myself busier than the permanent staff here?"
D: "How many bosses do you report to?"
C: "5?"
D: "That explains it. You are here to help 5 men.
E: "Suck it up. You are here for exposure to all sorts of things during internship."
-On explaining the essence of internship.

"Internship in a multi-national company means you should be prepared to be good in multi-tasking."
-Why? The arrows simply flew from all over the world!

Staff: "Are you okay with helping..."
Intern: "Just let me know what I need to do, or - if it is more simple - what I can't do!"
-Note the resigned tone of an intern, with the abscondment all hope and faith of liberation.

archery treachery

2010-07-18T23:16:00.003+08:00

On a random note, it is better not to have any expectation at all because you might get sorely disappointed.

This could be applied into various context. One particular illustration (or illusion) would be, do not expect the the arrows to be flying in different directions. For all you know, all the arrows may just fly into your direction.

There goes any hope of a low profile life.

In Memory of Yuling

2010-07-15T18:33:00.004+08:00

Dear friend and senior,

May God preserve your soul in eternal peace and keep you safe in His kingdom, happily with His angels and saints.

May the Lord Almighty comfort your family and provide them the counsel they need.

May you watch over everyone whom you love, and leave without any worry.

Please know that you will never be forgotten but always remembered.

Rest in peace.

get well

2010-07-06T23:01:00.004+08:00

Quite a number of things are weighing on my mind right now, but out of sensitivity I shall not point it out. The central theme that is running through my mind is:

Why could intentions and deeds not be more explicit and transparent? I hate to
decipher and explore the meaning behind all the words and actions?

Slightly upsetting, but nevertheless I am not exactly that bothered by it.

The highlight of the day could have been the dinner out with Ignatius, Terrance, Dominic, and Mark. It's been quite some time since I met my best friends, and frankly I do miss them - no matter what happened. It is not merely the good old days that got me tickled, but the familiar dynamics and chemistry within STD that really made me feel comfortable and happy.

But who really defined my day is my beloved sweetheart who is sick. I pray that by this time she has recovered, and if she is not I hope she will be spared the suffering.

I am sick too, if you count lovesick as a form of illness as well.

Sigh.

thoughts over midnight

2010-07-06T01:36:00.003+08:00

The feeling has dawned upon me once again, and frankly this time round I am not really comfortable with it. For the first time in my adult life, I do really feel overstretched with unnecessary attention.

As I told Serena earlier this year, I just really wish to settle down in NUS quietly (in other words, not to be high profile at all) and not get myself too involved with any other business except of my own. Of course, if I could help my friends I would definitely extend my helping hand.

But more often than not, I always get myself into trouble and now I really feel overstretched. Saying 'yes' to everyone is not exactly good for my own interest because I am really very, if not extremely, exhausted. Of course certain things I could not say no, such as Artscamp and LMSC, because it is something I would love to do for my friends.

But for all other things in which I was volunteered for, I am not exactly that pleased that I am assumed to be perpetually free and do not need a break. Not that I am complaining or unwilling to help, but I really need a break at times. I am not a man of iron, but of flesh and blood.

It has become so bad that I wish to be totally irresponsible and just leave everything in ruins. But I know I would not, because:
i) I am a workaholic and it is really irresponsible;
ii) I would just end up clearing the mess after some pleas.

Sometimes I just wish that I could live in seclusion, even if it is a matter of few weeks. And I know no matter how tired I feel, I know that she is always with me.

For the perfect personification of true love

2010-06-29T21:38:00.008+08:00

Thanks everyone for your best wishes! We really appreciate it (:

God save Jasmine,
the Queen of my heart.
God bless Jasmine,
my fountain of all love and faith.

A weak mortal that I am,
Thy Mercy and Grace I cry for counsel.
And so, I pray,
that Heavens above may hear my plea.

O Lord, grant her,
the sweet, gentle and loving damsel,
with gifts love, joy and wisdom,
and always preserve her in bliss.

O Lord, help me,
to defend my lady from injury, solitude and sorrow.
Forever may she reign and rule,
Reign and Rule over me.

Dearest Jasmine, life could not be any better than this. Most particularly, when you are here with me (:

KRH Farewell

2010-05-24T15:51:00.007+08:00

With absolute regret, I have to quit Kent Ridge Hall Rag Committee 2010/2011. It is a decision which I have made at 3.45pm, and I have communicated it to the chairperson.

Right now, I feel terribly apologetic to members of KRH Rag Committee. It is an irresponsible act, but I have to give it up. What this effectively means is that I have to give up hall stay in Kent Ridge Hall, and this is something I never wanted to. I promised Bucky, Kathleen and Tammy that I will stay for them. They are the main reason why I wanted to stay in hall. It was never for the convenience that hall offered me. It was for friends - KRODAC and my third floor neighbours.

Some may think that right from the start, I did not have the passion for Rag and actually intended to quit hall right from the start. To this charge, I do admit that I am not exactly enthusiastic for Rag but that does not mean that I do not wish to do what is expected of me in Rag. As for quitting hall, it never really occurred to me during the semesters. I have given a careful thought about it, and definitely my decision is not on impulse.

KRH has been an exciting part of my NUS life, and never could I forget the joy it brought me for my freshman year. I pray whatever friendships forged in KRH will remain, and not be affected by this decision.

I really wish I do not have to make this decision. It is an ending that I have never wanted.

a kent ridgean contemplation

2010-05-11T20:25:00.000+08:00

You know, some might regret over things that they have said. I am the exact opposite. Sometimes there are things I wish I'd said things that may change a situation.

In fact, it has happened quite a number of times for different issues and I never got to get them out of my mouth. Time after time, I always ask myself: Whhat is holding you back?

Fear? Pride? Or, lack of confidence? Why?

You know you want it. You know it is the best for everyone. You know it may help to defuse a crisis. But on every occasion, you allow yourself to be clouded by bounded rationality. You think it is the best and rational solution by opting inaction, because status quo means nothing will change (be it for better or worse).

Isn't it provoking that I prefer to live in a world of regrets, than to take a chance?

*

No matter what the course of action I have decided to pursue, invariably I will still find myself caught in the vortex of immorality.

Indeed, I am less concerned about the results. I am more worried about the means.

family

2010-05-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

The best friend Ignatius once asked me why I seldom talk about my family. For the record, I love my family. They are always the first place in my life, and I would do everything to protect them. My family is a private matter, and they are my innermost sanctuary. Perhaps that is the reason why I do not really mention anything much about my family. Of course, I do talk about them if you ask me. But I will not take the initiative to talk about them. So it is not a matter of whether I trust you, but whether you ask me or not.

It is said that we should place God above everything and everyone else. I have to admit that I do place my family before God, but more importantly I believe there is no conflict between religion and family. The centre themes of the Holy Scriptures are love and forgiveness, and who else do you learn from? Isn't it your family members who teach you how to love and forgive one another? Look at the Holy Family. Did Christ not love and cherish St Joseph and Our Lady as his parents?

So why am I talking about family right now? No, I am not going to examine family in the context of Sociology. What prompted this post are my late grandparents. In fact, on this day eight years ago, I lost my paternal grandfather to death. Five months later, I also lost my maternal grandmother. Last year, I lost my paternal grandmother.

It has since become a personal practice that on their death anniversaries, I would consciously avoid occupying myself with unimportant affairs. If I could, I would spend the entire day thinking about them. There is always an inherent fear in me that someday, I would forget their voices. Or, I would forget how they look like.

On my way home from Prinsep Street, it suddenly occurred to me that yes, my grandfather may have left this world - but not without a legacy. He still lives on - in my father, my sister, my uncle and aunts, my cousins, nephews and nieces, and me. In fact, my asthma was inherited from him. Instead of looking it as an illness, I would prefer to think of it as a way to remember my grandfather. Despite his absence for almost half a decade, I still remember how he would laugh whenever he was amused by my silly antics. I will never forget the Sunday walks, when he would bring me around and buy me Yakut (something which I was banned from drinking until I was 13).

It also dawned upon me that for the last fifteen years of my maternal grandmother's life, Angela and I were the centre of her attention. When she passed on, I was 15 and Angela was only 11. I do wonder what were her dreams for us, if any. I really hope what we are doing now would make her proud, if she is alive. I will always remember her as a strong lady, who lived with the grief of losing her only son and braved two cancers in different stages of her life. Having witnessed how she struggled with her illness, her will and desire to live serve as an exemplary model on what it means to give your best and never give up. If only she knows how much both of us miss her.

What about my paternal grandmother? After the death of my grandfather, she had dementia and her memories alternated between her early years and my childhood. Even though she may be forgetful, she always remembers Angela and me - though in her memory I was a young kid and Angela is a crawling baby. Strange but true, she never fails to recognise who we are despite the abovementioned images of us. I vividly remember I bidded her goodbye the night before she died. While it is no secret that it is a matter of time before she would leave us, nevertheless I did not expect it would be the next morning that she would pass on.

My great-grandparents are probably the oldest folks whom I have ever encountered in my life. Sadly, I do not get to spend much time with my great-grandfather who died when I was 3 but I still have memories of him. One of the few images I have of him is that he said I had a glib tongue and knows how to make him happy. As for my great-grandmothers, they were equally obliging as my grandparents are to me as I could get anything and everything I wanted from them.

When we were born, we were blessed with four living grandparents and three great-grandparents. Now, I am left with my maternal grandfather. Having been the subject of showers of blessings for more than two decades, it is my mission to make my parents and grandfather to feel blessed instead.

QnA Part (i)

2010-05-07T12:47:00.004+08:00

The following dialouge is adapted from various conversations (on frequent themes which may sound familiar) with interviewers from all walks of Eric's life. Please consider them for your own entertainment purpose. All questions and answers (except for the first set) are not imagined.

Hi Eric, it is good to have you with us here tonight.
Actually, I would very much prefer not to do this at all.

So, are you going to jump ship?
C'mon, this is a very sensitive topic. Nothing is decided at this moment.

Then why did you even apply in the first place?
Seriously, it was just for fun. I mean, with my grades, it is like zero chance? But I have to add that I really like Law, and my childhood aspiration was to be a judge (aside from being a police). But I realised perhaps Law is not really suitable for me. Imagine citing and studying precedents, judgments and various sections of different pieces of legislation. I think I am more comfortable with where I am right now.

Besides in Law, have the brightest minds and sharpest tongues in a room. It is like you are putting the most destructive nuclear arsenal in the same lab. I think it could be worse than political science.

You will never know unless you give a shot?
Yes, Hong Chew said that too. So did Diane and Crystal. I have no answer for them, so I have no answer for you too.

So, go or no go?
I don't know? Perhaps I will leave it to be decided by my CAP. Can we not talk about this anymore? I am going to cry at the thought of my NUS friends...

Righhhhhhhht. Okay, moving to something more private...(Eric: Yikes!) you realise you are the only bachelor among your close friends?
Yes, and I am counting on them to visit me in the old folks home in the distant future.

Have you ever thought of settling down?
I am happily settled down at NUS.

No, I mean getting yourself a companion.
I don't really like dogs or cats. Neither do you expect me to talk to neurotic goldfishes which swims in the tank and probably will not understand what you are saying? All they do is looking at you with their puffy eyes! What kind of companion is that?

Stop avoiding the question. You know who I am refering to!
I am not Professor X. I can't read minds, you know.

Alright let me rephrase the question. Why are you still fooling around and not finding yourself a proper companion who is a human being belonging to the female gender?
Erm. . . because I am shy?

D: D: D: I can't believe it. Your shamelessness knows no boundaries!
I think it got to do with the people I hang out with.

So you need help?
No, if you are thinking of using the Internet and help me find a mail-to-order bride from China or Vietnam. Thanks, but no thanks.

But now the mail-to-order service has extended to Russia! Think blonde!
It's okay. I already have a blonde friend in Bucky and he is already the death of me. Besides, I think Serena is going to dye her hair blonde. That spells with more trouble with blonde people, especially when their missions are out to torture me.

Above all, I've never like blonde. If I do, I would be collecting Barbie Dolls and not Power Ranger models.

You have a point there. But, don't you feel lonely when your friends are busy with their significant others?
I understand that my position changces in the table of precedence, because that is what I will probably do if I were them.

Okay, you said you are shy. How shy?
I. . . blush? See I cannot even provide you with a coherent answer!

Why are you shy?
Buddy, if I know why, I wouldn't be here answering your question. A question you have been asking for the past 2 years.

So do you like anyone, like now?
Buddy, that is a very confusing question. Do you mean if I like anyone, or do I like Now? Okay don't give me that chilling stare. I reserve the right not to answer any question. I demand to see my attorney before I answer that question.

Seriously...
Okay chill, pal. Why so serious? Even if I like someone, I will probably not do anything about it because at the end of the day, I am too shy for words and will probably just let it slip by. Besides, what if she does not like me?! I don't like to do things which I have zero confidence in. Correction. I don't like to do things which I have no full confidence in.

So I take it as you like someone?
Subject to personal interpretation. Try asking me privately and not publicly at the dinning table.

It won't hurt if you try.
Yah, but I have a fragile heart. I will probably die of broken heart on the spot. D:

Fine if you insist. That's the most fruitful answer you have given us so far. I cannot resist but to leave you with this one word: Coward.
Oh why thank you, paparazzi.

how a semester at NUS has been and how i celebrated my birthday at nus

2010-05-07T03:33:00.001+08:00

Semester 2 is officially history, and I am done with one academic year! Yay!

. . . Or maybe not. I still have to wait for my results, which is due to be released on 31 May 2010. That is something I am not looking forward to, because I know chances are I am going to see quite a dismal CAP for this semester. No doubt, I am absolutely ruined for Chinese Political Thought. Frankly, I would be counting my lucky stars if I ever get B- or above for the module. As for the rest of the modules, I think I will just do fine (i.e. B grade). At least, in comparison to Chinese Political Thought.

I am most likely not going to Denmark for student exchange too, despite receiving an offer for it. I do not think it is right for me to make my parents foot the bill when I am away in Europe enjoying myself. It just seems, not right at all.

You know what? It took me quite a while to realise that I did not publish this post, which is rather long overdue. In fact, I owe a gratitude of thanks to everyone who wished me a happy 22nd birthday, especially those who celebrated it with me.

I am grateful for Liming and Peijen to organise this dinner together, and I really enjoyed myself. Thanks everyone for making it!

On 08 November 2009, when the clock struck 12, Tammy and Bucky decided to do something to celebrate my birthday - in my absence.

Being such good friends, they decided to shower their love for me with another masterpiece. My shoes officially went missing for 48hrs, and Bucky even claimed that Kathleen was involved in it. Well done, Bucky.

***

Life in NUS would not have been so entertaining, if not for the friends I have made in Arts Camp and Arts O Week. I wouldn't really think if it is too far for me to say that they are the centre of my life in NUS (not forgetting Mallery, Melvyck and Pearlyn who are still suffering in NUS).

(Oddly) I still have yet to figure it out why because I did not really attend Arts Camp and Oweek, but I guess one should count his own blessings. I don't think I will ever regret attending the artscamp dinner in June 2009, despite not knowing anyone there. Awkward, yes. But I think that really kickstarted my life in NUS.

Frankly, I could not imagine going to lectures or having meals alone. I mean, I am fine with living such a life but seriously that would be so sucky. But what is more important is that we click pretty well, and I really enjoy their company (how much they enjoy my company is a different question). As much as I hate to admit it on public domain, they have become part of my life. It's pretty much like, your classmate back in college days (except that you are not physically confined in the same classroom). In fact, I think I see them more often than I see my floormates back in hall.

Camwhoring during Oweek councilors' precamp

...and during Oweek itself.

Doing retarded pose.

...and more of it, on repeat mode (i.e. over and over again).

And of course, doing retarded things together.

Celebrating birthdays!

... as well as the end of examinations! (SN1101E, to be exact)

Getting rid of good riddance. I mean, saying farewell to friends on exchange!

Supporting a friend for Arts King!

. . . or just having fun?

Besides friends from artscamp, I am grateful to know people in the faculty through tutorial classes such as Andrew, Danielle, Xiang Ling, Adeline, Wenhui, Byron and Yau Vwee. Apart from being great help in my studies, I think I appreciate their friendship more than anything else. And of course, I have to acknowledge a debt of gratitude for allowing me to display narcissistic presentation of my MSN artworks or lame jokes.

(Eric Tan, 2010) On How Economics Works Effectively As A Tailisman

And of course, being my frinds means that they are not that normal too.

(Danielle Koh, 2009) On One Should Just Kill One's Self and Die

***

As most of my friends know, I am staying in Kent Ridge Hall. Frankly, I am the least active resident in the hall but that does not really mean I do not like hall at all. No, I am not talking about the convenience but rather, the friends I have met in hall. They are really nice fellows, especially the krodac (despite seeing Tammy only for three occasions this semester).

The mates who actually made me contemplated on whether I should stay in hall, or otherwise.

I would say 3rd floor is the most happening floor in D Block, and I really thank them for the wonderful times we had poking fun at each other. I mean, who will ever forget about freezing Khai's undergarments and present it to him in an ice cream tube? Or Kelvin's R2D2? Or that Alywin's door hangs a sign of "WATCHING GAY PORN!"? And not forgetting the Operation Frog, when we threw the frogs into Arvin's cubicle when he was bathing?

The reason why I would wish to continue staying in hall is because of these friends. This bunch people whom I have spent two semesters under a roof with. While I dare not proclaim that I have the KR blue blood living in me, I am confident of saying that I have the best neighbours one could ever wish for in hall.

I mean, how often do you do stupid things like competing with other floors via videos? You may refer to the videos on Facebook (which requires you to log in) here and here.

The Divas!

D Block!

Emma Watson!

Ice cream!

DnD!

***

Sometimes, I have no idea why I am in NPCC. Don't get me wrong. It's a great CCA to be in, and I am not talking about the NUSNPCC Unit only. The 33rd HOBTC was rather enjoyable, and thanks to the good folks in my groups I managed to survive without any NPCC background. I am rather excited to meet them again, and hope all of them are doing well.

Life in the attached unit is good too. At least I have two capable (but pathetic, because they are stuck with an Honorary Officer like me) Cadet Inspectors who are really responsible and have a sense of compassion (especially towards their Officers haha). But I seriously hope that they will understand they should not neglect their studies for their CCA.

Perhaps those with burning and dedicated passion with NPCC with disagree with me, but I think NPCC is really an interest which helps to develop your character and life skills. It should not, however, blur your responsibilities as a student. Sounds rather pragmatic (I know), and ironic that I am dishing out such advice. But whenever I see how much effort they put for NPCC, I cannot help but wonder how much are they sacrificing? Perhaps at the end of the day, what matters most is they are happy and think that it is really worth the effort.

I should know better, because I was like them too.

NRC buddies who suffered together for the lectures which are sleep inducing. (Right, Yu Liang?)

ATC buddies who survived Ubin. (And yes Alvin, I know. Tent pitching).

***

It does not mean that once I entered NUS, I have totally forgotten about my friends who are not in the same university as I am. In fact, I really tried my best to keep in active contact with everyone as far as possible. It is really hard to get hold of one another, given our different study or work schedule. Of course, Dominic and Mark would beg to differ by saying I am the busy man.

If I may quote Dominic,

" Seng Kiat has become alarmingly hard to keep in contact with due to his existing commitments with school, hall-mates, pre-u seminar friends, primary school friends, secondary school friends, friends from NS, et cetera. I could send a text message and not get a reply for days on end, if ever." (Dominic Yeo, 2010)

Okay what I am going to say is not directed to Dominic, but just everyone in general.

I understand that it is getting harder to catch hold of me. I seriously do. I think some tried to check if I have a personal assistant who keeps track of my daily activities. Sadly, I am too poor to afford one.

The underlying assumption is that I am not free everyday, and therefore it's best just to wait for me to ask you when you are free instead. That, I have to say, is so not true. I agree that I might no longer be that flexible to be game for spontaneous meet ups, but it won't hurt if you just drop a text and ask, no? I mean, I do that every now and then, and I understand if you are busy and cannot meet up in an hour's time. Moreover, we can coordinate our schedules to see when everyone is available.

Somehow, it feels weird to the busiest person among my closest group of friends when I do not have any significant other to report to. So what in the world is Seng Kiat busy with?

I tried to figure that out, and the conclusion was: Nothing. Hard to believe, yes, but I am not as busy as everyone thought to be. In fact, I would give precedence to old friends over studies as I did over the examination period.

If I can catch the New Year Celebration with my pre-u sem friends and Sila...

...to go kite flying with the loverbirds, what makes you think I am not free??

Of course, not forgetting masses too!

And if you are holding your birthday, I will definitely be there! (To have fun :D)

Get Real

2010-03-31T20:57:00.004+08:00

Hey wimp, listen up. Stop living in a glass menagerie of your own self-denial. Get real.

I have been putting it up for quite some time. Frankly, if not because of the need to be sensitive to your feelings, I would have told you off long time ago. But since you are paying zero sensitivity to others, I would love to beat you in your own game. That is, if you even know how it feels to say ouch.

You can create one thousand and one excuses - and indulge yourself in these fictional stories - on why you are reduced in this pathetic state. You can blame your family members, friends or even the innocent stray dog that is barking across the street. You can even blame an alien living 8 billion light years away from planet Earth (if they exist). But, for a start, why not examine yourself and the role you play in resulting your pathetic situation today?

You can claim that you have a gifted talent in - let's say - Physics. If you devote yourself to it, you could probably surpass the Nobel Prize winners with more astonishing discovery or invention. I do not dispute that. But like what you have said, if only you devote yourself to it and actually made an effort to realise your potential. Otherwise, everything else is moot - and that includes your supposed potential which remains at inertia.

Stop complaining that your life is hard, when it is clear that there are many who are in a worse off situation. Your life is hard because you are not able to enjoy the luxuries you desire. You are not deprived of anything. You are just plain greedy - you just want more.

With regards to school, it is not like everyone is enjoying themselves in a rose garden on a sunny day. It is okay to whine and let off steam, but it is definitely insensitive to think that only you and you alone are born to suffer. No one else understand the pain and anguish you are going through. Stop calling out for SOS when you reject every helping hand that was extended to you.

You blame everyone around you for not making any effort to help you, even though you know that it is false. As far as we are concerned, we believe we have done in whatever manner that is possible to keep you in a good shape. We have gone beyond our limitations to help you. There are times when I feel we are running a non-profit organisation like a charity, with a higher operating cost.

Then, there is this issue that you think working is exhausting and hard. I am really surprised that this is coming from someone who once claimed that he cannot imagine why work would be tiring. How provoking! What irony! Then again, why should I be surprised that he adds that his work is tiring and others will never understand. Right. Like everyone in office or in the field are enjoying themselves with a glass of champagne.

Look, face up to reality. What is the past is the past. I have no qualms if you wish to relief the your good old glorious days, but do accept the fact that no matter how rich/great/powerful you were in the past is a matter of history. It is no longer a reflection of the present situation. Then again, how great you could be is a matter of contention but let's not get into this debate.

Let's not get too philosophical here, shall we? This is not a classic case about "I think it is, therefore it is" or "I think, therefore I exists". The world is not shaped by your opinion. Lest you forget, your opinion remains your opinion. It does not mean that others are bound by what you say and think. I respect your opinion, and I do pray that you respect others in a similar fashion.

Do not take our friend's silence as an indication that we are pushovers. If your memory serves you well, I am aggressive by nature. It does not mean that you can get away with everything because
i) you are fragile; and,
ii) my temper has mellowed down considerably.

You do know that once you get me started, there will be no end to it. I hate it if I have to draw the sword in defence. But if I have to, I will never hesitate to do so.

And I will make no apology for it.

Ouch?

the good and hard catch

2010-03-11T17:16:00.005+08:00

A few weeks ago, someone was telling me that PH (a friend, and not a PH value indicator) is really a good catch.

The statement is indeed a gospel truth, though I added that she is really hard to catch. The dispute between my friend and I was, in what way(s) is PH hard to catch.

And here is my answer, literally. And I doubt PH would like my response at all, as usual.

p.s PH: If you are reading this (which I highly doubt so), don't kill me. At least we think you are a good catch! And no, we are not talking behind your back.

a night out with bucky

2010-03-09T23:49:00.003+08:00

"Of course I am not dumb! My intelligence is based on my smart-ness. EH NO! My smart-ness is based on my intelligence! Okay you know what? You know what I mean so don't do this to me!"
-Bucky, whose attempt at persuading me that he is smart ends up in utter failure.

"I want Banadan prata!"
-Bucky, who never fails to amuse us as usual when he intended to order a Banana prata. Or was he thinking of Banana + Pandan flavour prata?

hall classics

2010-02-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

"I am not going to say anything, in case I end up on Overheard at NUS again."
-Bucky, whose blonde characteristics make him a likely candidate for the top contributor to the Facebook group.

"I think those guys growing corn on the field are damn pitiful. No one ever believes them because they are conman."
-Peh, in contemplative mood while eating his corn over dinner.

"Wah if we ever see Sherman in hall, we must make a wish! (SK: Why?) Because it is a rare as a shooting star!"
-Peh, on what to do on rare occasions and the phantom nature of Sherman - with a Precious Moment-like expression (see below).

"What is wrong with all of you tonight? So vulgar, damnit!"
-Now now who is more vulgar, Arvin?

"Hey buddy, which pair of shoes is yours? Oh that one? Thank you!"
-Arvin wants to know whose shoes it were before he splashed them with water. Right in the face of the owner.

"Got girl? Where is the girl?"
-Alywin for the win, after revealing his true nature which shattered his image as a gentleman.

"Hi Hafiz...and since when you look like Mercy?"
-Yours truly, who couldn't tell if it was really Mercy in Hafiz's room. Knowing Hafiz the Transformer, he could well transform into anything in the world.

"Can you stop studying?! Don't lie to me! You are not MSN-ing! You are mugging! Stop shoving my CAP downwards!"
-Arvin, who firmly believed that behind the MSN facade lies millions of readings and essays.

"Seng Kiat can you please stop studying? Alywin can you stop sleeping? Hafiz can be useful like your neighbours and start studying or sleeping? You are useless!"
-Arvin, who cannot make up his mind on what the boys at D3 should do.

"Someone took my underwear! Again!"
-Chee How, whose underwear seems to be extremely appealing to the thief who resides on the same floor as him. Sexy, no?

"SK! How come there are girls dancing on your desktop?!"
-Alywin and Chee How, illustrating what is meant by illusion/delusion at its very best.

"Aiyo boy, go and have dinner first? Are you in a mad rush for books? Don't have late dinner."
-A kind librarian, who realised I have been in RBR for more than 4 hours today.

D Best Friend's Birthday

2010-02-15T00:47:00.008+08:00

Blessed and happy 23rd birthday to Dominic, best friend to Terrance and Seng Kiat.

You know, no matter what happens (even disagreements among ourselves) and what you do, STD will be best friends for life. If you are happy, we will be glad for you and respect your choice.

Isn't that what best friends are for? I'm sure our 6 years of friendship stands for something - and that is for one another!

the ting tings

2010-02-11T00:54:00.000+08:00

Maybe Kath was right. The fact that it is in my mind makes me want it, when I know that I should not do it. It is something like, normative and positive statements. Another way of deconstructing the issue is to view it through rational choice theory. Though I am acutely aware that I should not do it, somehow I still find myself regressing on the course of my decision.

As a matter of fact, I did have an intended target last semester. But after much reasoning (read: individual level of analysis), I ended up dissuading myself that it is not going work out and any effort is futile. If that satisfies the curiosity of some, that is my explanation on the present status. I foresee I will probably repeat this cycle of self-dissuasion until the conditions are right.

The pressing, if not urgent, concern at this point in time is whether I should withdraw from Chinese Political Thought. Here I am progressing into mid-term and I absolutely have no clue what is going on for this module. I just could not identify the main picture (if any), save that it is a continuous flow of discussion of ideas between and within different schools of ancient Chinese thoughts. In any case, I should make a decision by 28 February 2010.

eric's quagmire

2010-02-10T00:00:00.003+08:00

I feel like I am being trapped in a quagmire. It is a losing battle, and somehow I am convinced I will never make it. It might well be a Spanish ulcer in Napoleon's Peninsular War - bleed and bleed until I am drained out.

Why am I doing this to myself, again?

incoherent sentences

2010-02-09T02:13:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I do feel there are thousand and one things on my mind. And it does not stop there. I have to fork out some time to reassure others that certain things do not change, and that it will get better. Why am I extinguishing fire for others' backyard when I am having fire burning in my own as well? Question is, who will be there to assure me that everything is fine?

I could afford to be indifferent but I know I will never be. That will be callous to me. It just seems not right. But neither does it make any sense for me to continue to lend a helping hand, when the individual in question is not doing anything to merit for the assistance. The extent of the help is beyond my means and my conscience tells me I have done my very best. Why bother helping when the receiving end will never appreciate it and always demand more, without putting in the proportionate effort?

I question myself if all these problems that confront us now is constructed by imagination or it really exists. If it is imagined, then I should stop thinking about it though I would probably ask myself why am I imagining it. If it is real, well I have to continue to press for solutions though I am happy to leave it as it is.

What am I doing, seriously?

Lovestoned

2010-02-04T11:59:00.000+08:00

"I can tell you that you are feeling disturbed right now. Must be the Hallowean party. Haha!"
-Raymond, who failed to realise he is the greatest force of disturbance who shakes me with fear.

"You are doomed. You are doomed."
-Serena, who is clearly not attempting to help me feel any better in my situation.

"Now I know why Lord Vishnu guides me to take South Asian Studies. To understand the mechanism of karma."
-Yours Truly, elaborating on his destiny to understand the concept of karma.

"It is a death penalty under the Constitution of 04B4 Brotherhood, otherwise known as the Bro's Code. Death by stoning."
-Yours Truly, who is well acquainted the results of the forbidden course of action.

"HUH?! WTH?! are you sengkiat, or are you his hall mates?"
-Liming, who was astonished by my totally random declaration that I am going to run away to South Asia. Yes, please blame everything and anything on my hall mates. I am innocent (:

"I think they will shoot themselves up in the skies like fireworks, or execute her like a firing squad."
-Yours Truly, on predicting the course of action his friends will undertake if they realise what is going on.

"Yes it is never ending. I think we can laugh about it at coffeeshops when we meet in 10 years time."
-Ignatius, who understands the irony of it all. Perfectly.

"Scare me. I thought you are going to elope to South Asia!"
-Chong Heng

"Can you don't scare her like that? All of a sudden!"
-Serena, on my pranks and mischiefs.

"It is not fair to her, but I am not being fair to myself either. So it balances it up."
-Yours Truly, on the Erican manner of Balance of Payments.

"Why must you as a prime acquatic creature, choose a fking mountain boar that has dropped into the water and can't swim?"
-Mark, on making the right choices in life.

2010-01-26T00:51:00.005+08:00

How could you be wrong if you followed your heart?
-Terrance, on decisions and doubts.

Rarely for my best friend, his words has been ringing in my mind for the past few months. I still could not figure how this theory exactly works out. I know what it means and how it works. The question is, have I been following my heart? If I did, have I made the right choice?

Of course, the picture is not as bleak as the following illustration that appeared in a MSN conversation with a friend.

I am not at a loss on what I could do. In fact, I am acutely aware of what I should do. But that does not necessary translate into what I wish to do. It does not help that the I am situated in a crossroad with five options to choose from, the last being to remain on my ground.

I think the main question I am facing right now is, where do I go from here? Which voice should I listen to - the spirit of rationality which encompasses logic of appropriateness and consequences, or the spirit of sentiments that reasons with my persuasion?

Another question is, do I detach myself from emotions? A close examination on my recent decisions proves that not all my decisions are based on rationality. In fact, some of my key decisions in the past two months are not immune from appealing sentiments. The best case in point would be what happened in January, as illustrated below.

For the record, I did not commit a traffic offence. What I was trying to drive at is a regression which I almost committed (hence, the analogy of an illegal U-Turn), and thankfully rationality reigns supreme. If not, I would probably be stoned by my peers.

While I still embrace rationality, the precedent in January 2010 presented a disturbing scenario. I actually allowed my emotions to tamper with my decisions. And the January incident was not the first time. In fact, some of my decisions in certain areas are never immune from rationality.

Or perhaps Vanessa is right all along, that the cornerstone of my rationality reasons with emotions.

You are a person of total rationality, but your soul reasons with sentiments and emotional reasons.
-Vanessa, on the cognitive process and psychological behaviour of Eric.

krodac quotients ay0910 sem 1

2009-12-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

krodac

"I SPY YOU! TODAY IS FREEDOM DAY WOOO. THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE!"
-Tammy, whose text reminded me that I have 2 more papers before I end my exams.

"STOP SPYING ON ME!"
-Kathleen, after receiving the same text from Tammy and me that we saw her at the stairs outside The Deck.

"Wah the apocalypse is nigh =0"
-Bucky, responding to my text that I will be the nice and sweet Eric they never know.

"are you feeling ohkay? and i'm saving that message forever."
-Kathleen, who thinks I might be running a fever after reading the same text that Bucky received.

"Supper for the win!"
-Bucky, who aptly summed out the main activity of krodac.

"hey guys, let's have a cheer bucky up plan tmr okay!"
-Tammy, the ever filial daughter to Bucky.

"Eh i heard you're not feeling well? In hall? Yuting says she left panadol on your dool. I'll visit you in a while ah."
-Bucky. Too touched (or rather, lazy) to say anything else.

"hey dude! Heard from HRH you're sick! You need panadol or anything? Take care and rest well yea! Don't overwork your body."
-Tammy. Too touched (or rather, lazy) to say anything else.

"ROAR YOU IRRITATING IDIOTS! YOUR EVENTUALLY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BY THIS MORNING. IT'S ALREADY 3 PLUS! OMG WHY AM I WASTING SMS. GRR."
-Tammy, who wanted to know what transpired between Bucky and I which was nothing much except our blueprint for April's Fool 2010.

"fellow odead muggers. would you be interested in making friends with the books in central library after six plus today?"
-Tammy, the Librarian.

"ohmygoodness i took the wrong bus AHAHA OMG"
-Kathleen, who never fails to amaze me with her capabilities to get lost in NUS.

"RED ALERT: IMPT ODAC ANNOUNCEMENT! let's skip IBG handball to watch final destination! 6.40pm at Vivo. Bucky don't play for e block you are injured!"
-Commander Tammy, on the flash mobilization for Operations Movie at Vivocity.

life

2009-12-12T21:21:00.004+08:00

"Place your trust in God. He will never give you things to do that you can't already handle."
-Ms Jacqueline Yang

"SK is going to be a whiny kid in semester 2."
-Tammy, on learning that I might be taking 4 Political Science modules.

"liar. anyway i am on my way."
-Jonathan, whose text reply evidently dismissed my caution that I will be late as a joke.

"Told you I will be late! Stop living in denial!"
-Yours Truly, who was really late by half an hour and that shattered the conventional myth that Yours Truly is never late as an infallible truth.

"Definitely, Undeniably and How could you have missed it?!?!"
-Mark, defining what it means by duh.

what says you?

2009-12-06T23:41:00.005+08:00

"Where is Bucky when I need him for discussion? He should know better that I cannot see him at this time when it is all dark!"
-Yours Truly, who is frustrated on Bucky's disappearance when his presence is required for discussion.

"That is why I am wearing grey shirt and white shorts. So that people can see me at this time."
-Bucky, who revealed his wisdom in his choice of clothes at night though he forgotten about the glaring lights thanks to Christmas at Orchard Road.

"Foundation."
-Tammy, elaborating on the miracle which makes her 50kg eyebag disappeared.

"You are very smart tonight. For once and only for tonight!"
-Kathleen, praising Bucky for his wit that managed to shut me up over dinner. I would prefer to see it as, he is only smart for that night and dumb for the rest of his life.

"Say it again! Say it again!"
-Kathleen, who have not heard my catchphrase in ages. Indeed, KRODAC have not met for the longest time since our overseas expedition to Tioman.

"Goodness gracious! How come your hand is so smooth? Are you sure you did National Service before? How come it is not rough? Are you a guy? Seriously, how come you don't have eyebags even though you stay up so late every night! Tell me leh!"
-Samantha Suen, whose constant "how come(s)" attracted weird stares and glances over breakfast after an accidental surface contact.

"Your holidays are like BURNT TO THE GROUNDDDD. It's like, this single shred of ash."
-Danielle, on my december holiday schedule.

"heyhey don't forget we are going to bake cookies and have turkey over at Min's house this thurs night! whoever forgets will be subjected to TORTURE! get it, sk?"
-Diane, whose text makes me suspect that she has a split personality disorder. Talking about being nice and threatening at the same time, huh?

december blues

2009-12-06T23:09:00.004+08:00

Just when you thought exams are over...

And when you thought I will be screaming with joy... (when in fact I am screaming in horror)
(Danielle Koh, 2009)

And just when I was laughing at Danielle for returning back to school during the semester break,

I was informed that I am subjected to a worse ~~trouble~~ treatment for the December holiday!
(Koh, 2009)

Tell me who in the right mind would spend his semester break for a 2 weeks course that lasts for 12 hours, inclusive of 4 days 3 nights of outdoor adventure training (and living in a tent), at the other end of the island?

Now I really have to adjust my sleeping hours to be a normal person! No more sleeping at 0600hrs and waking up at 0930hrs! No more participation medal for trying to sleep early.
(Crystal Phuar, 2009)

great leap of faith

2009-12-03T22:44:00.006+08:00

Amidst the uncertainty, self-doubt and disillusion, the ever adventurous Tan Seng Kiat Eric has declared his irrevocable determination to make Political Science his major even though PS1101E is his worst module in AY09/10 Semester 1.

For the Module Preference Exercise, I have decided to take:
PS2234 - Introduction to Comparative Politics
PS2249 - Government and Politics of Singapore
PS2239 - Foreign Policy and Diplomacy
PS2254 - American Government and Politics

4 modules of Political Science?! That is so sick. But it is after talking to a few seniors and friends, I have decided to take this leap of faith. In their words, I should not allow grades to be the sole determinant on the choice of major, and I should not allow one setback to deter me from making advancement. Someone also reminded that I do have interest Political Science, and I should not let myself down. I am seriously grateful for their counsel. They have erased my apprehension as depicted below:

I am not going to allow the above scenario to happen. I am so gonna conquer you, Political Science!

where the streets have no name

2009-12-03T14:47:00.012+08:00

"My oh my, are you turning in an African kid? You should eat more, young man!"
-Doctor, who was astonished by my reduction of weight by 5kg ever since I entered NUS.

"What?! You were the one who encouraged me, you pig!"
-Ignatius, who failed to make me feel guilty over a hilarious incident that happened 3 years ago.

"I saw the panic in your eyes!"
-Serena, who shocked me with a totally unexpected phrase which prompted an emergency game theory deliberation and weighing my options before I answer. All in a split second.

"Being on third floor entails such privilegs; no one is excluded."
-Khairul Anwar, on the Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen of KRH Diva Level 3. That means, no one is excluded from the rights and liberties of being pranked. Talking about Human Rights, eh?

"It takes some time for the noise to travel up!"
-Yours Truly, on why it takes 10 minutes for PH to make some noise in the MSN conversation.

"The irony is, electives are compulsory! You cannot avoid it except for exercising your right to elect what you want to take to fulfill what you have to take."
-Yours truly, who was explaining to the ironies of life.

"...a girlfriend is like your 28 faculty modules which you cannot avoid. And the workload is equally crazy too."
-Hui Qun, who suddenly deviate from our original topic and tried to establish between a link between academic workload and having a significant other.

"Don't go for student exchange programme and become a sarong party boy!"
-Camie, who will be away for one semester in Denmark. Question is, who is the one going for Student Exchange Programme? Tsk tsk tsk. Look who is talking!

"I hate the the tyranny of the majority."
-Yours Truly, upon knowing that the NEL Supper Convention is staffed by residents of Seng Kang.

"Come Punggol. The air is fresher and the grass is greener!"
-Yung Joon, spokesman for NEL Supper at Punggol.

"Have you ever sat in a car before?"
-Crystal, who is interested in whether PH has ever sat in a car before. Or, a car boot.

"That is why she is Crystal. She has crystal clear vision!"
-Yours Truly, in attempt to trace the origins of Crystal's rationality as opposed to PH's clouded vision on Buangkok.

"The two dollar note has a cat in it."
-Teck Peng, who tormented PH with a close examination of the purple note for more than 10 minutes.

"Not only it has cat, but it also has ion!"
-Crystal, who did little to help PH from her situation.

"The two dollar note is positively charged, because it has a CATION!"
-Jian Rong, consolidating the words said by Teck Peng and Crystal to confuse PH further.

"Supper supper! But you all discriminate against dear Buangkok!"
-P H, who is still not over the tragical fact that we chose Jalan Kayu for dinner instead of remaining in Buangkok.

PS1101E

2009-11-24T19:01:00.003+08:00

Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD)
Exists in a bipolar system where there are two dominant world powers in the international system, as it was during the Cold War era when the international system was governed under the leadership of USA and USSR. The idea of MAD is that it brings peace and not annihilation, as both parties would wish to avoid the worst possible outcome. In fact, it can be suggested that the defence system such as nuclear capability is a deterrance for any aggressive engagement.

No state will be MAD enough to defy the MAD system.

Self-Assured Destruction (SAD)
Situation when one realises he is not helping himself by not revising his studies, and ends up in MSN and Facebook instead. The full knowledge of the worst possible consequences, confluenced with the lack of motivation to declare a state of Emergency and to avert the said consequence, results in a Self-Assured Destruction scenario.

One of the effects of SAD is that one will experience SADness, emotionally.

conversation with danielle

2009-11-24T18:33:00.002+08:00

Horrified, terrified and mortified by Introduction to Sociology.

And it does not help when your friend is watching How I Met Your Mother and eating at the same time. It onlyreminds you how miserable your life is.

Plus, it is always comforting to have a friend who never fails to seize the chance to reiterate what privileges and luxury you are sorely lacking. (Danielle, 2009).

If the drawing by Danielle was meant to comfort me, apparently I received the reversed effect.

In the end, I got to go by 0100hrs. The MSN conversation boxes are far too depressing.

Soundbites over dinner

2009-11-21T20:09:00.003+08:00

"I don't wish to be in a job which creates demand that has no demand."
-Kelvin, on the prospects of the insurance industry.

"What? A car wants to eff me?"
-Johnathan, whose mind was obviously not on the traffic even as Yours Truly tried to warn him that a car "is gonna bang you from the rear!"

"I CAN SCORE FULL MARKS FOR THIS PAPER!"
-A loud comment by a Physics undergraduate student in the examination hall when the time was up, based on the hear-say system of information flow.

"It is like IQ question! And it makes you think think think, and wonder how they derive to such ideas! We have different chains of thoughts!"
-Yee Kiat, on certain questions in examination papers that are like trick questions.

Soundbites @ NUS

2009-11-21T15:53:00.006+08:00

"Do you want a job as a teaching assistant?"
-Dr Andrea Pinkney, who probably have no idea how fearful I am for my South Asian studies final paper.

"Do you have any career aspiration, or what you want out from Political Science... You have a lot to buck up!"
-Yi Jian, my Political Science tutor who was healing my shattered psyche and recalled my initial obsession with Political Science.

"But Buddhism is emo!"
-Danielle, on her love for Buddhism.

"How is your lovespat with ___________?"
-Mallery, whose totally random question caught me unaware once again.

"...to be a jellyfish."
-Mallery, whose unique metaphor for lazing around reiterates why she is a class of her own.

"I saw you with a tall, reasonably pretty Chinese girl with long slender legs at the canteen!"
-Raudhah, whose amusing comment sounds shocking. This is as if...
i) it is a crime or deviance to be with a female friend during breaktime;
ii) none of my female friends possess the abovementioned qualities (including being a Chinese); or/and,
iii) Raudhah was reflecting on the qualities that she do not possess.

Quote of the day

2009-11-19T00:29:00.002+08:00

"One step away being full naked?"
-Yours truly, who responded to Khai's question on what is the benefit of Arvin being half naked.

Did they really say that?

2009-11-15T04:59:00.001+08:00

"Oh my god! Look at that car! It's moving backwards! That's so cool!"
-Bucky, unaware that the car in question was being toiled and hence moving backward.

"Why not we get the tickets in Tioman, and fly from Singapore to Tioman after getting the tickets?"
-Bucky, on the same night as the abovementioned quote.

"I challenge you into sweet talking for 24 hrs, and I bet you cannot do it!"
-Kathleen, who was entirely right that I cannot sweet talk anyone. For the record, the challenge was over within 5 minutes.

"United States has 51 states, lah!"
-Bucky, who is evidently a Science student.

"My friend has to collect her boob(k)s from him."
-Serena, who stunned me as I thought her friend was a transsexual who has detachable female body parts. It turns out to be a mistake after further clarification. Thank Goodness it was a mistake.

"Huh? Super Red light?"
-Hong Li, unaware of her caste status in the relationship system which makes her a Untouchable.

"这个虾的胡须很长!"
-Cheryl, who was commenting that the prawn has very long beard when she meant the antenna.

"I am the cover boy for November issue of Men's Health!"
-Kim, who never fails to amuse the Timbos and Tyrants.

"Oh, you mean it's time I stop wandering in the galaxy?"
-Jian Rong, who zones out whenever Kim speaks.

"But Kim is so cute! I support Kim!"
-Hikoto, who elevated Kim to the status of the Unbeatable Master.

"Gender equality is about one vote for all!"
-Li Ting, who was trying to convince me that I was under a democratically equal system not a matriarchy where I was the only male in the discussion group.

"Oh I want what he (Ignatius) ordered too!"
-Edmund, who serves to highlight the differences between Them and Me as all my best friends and closest buddies have forsaken me in a situation which Janu completes it all.

"Yes I believe I can somehow benefit from your paranoia."
-Crystal, who indeed benefitted from my paranoia over South Asian mid-term and essay.

"Samantha has commented on his status."
-Facebook, which gave me a shock over the public gender classification of Samantha being a gentleman. The shock was not that stunning as I have my own misgivings of her gender; what Facebook did was to confirm my suspicions.

"But, he is Khai!"
-Sarah, who refuted Mercy's sympthay for Khai in such a style that Khai is the rallying point for the outpouring of frustration and violence as Britney demonstrates it in a manner that no one would dare to offend. Not even if you carry a rifle.

"I am stalking you!"
-Jing Yuan, otherwise known as Jean-Marie, who sent a chill down my spine as he ends the sentence in a smile. School is once again not a safe place for me.

Words of Wisdom

2009-11-12T22:00:00.001+08:00

Note to self: Do not slack.

Angeline says:
PLEASE
only the exam matters
just look at me
get as for essays also no use ok
i flunk my exams
that's why so horrible cap

mrs heng

2009-10-14T23:58:00.001+08:00

04B4

The highlight of the day was not the disastrous SC1101E (read: suicide 1101E) midterm paper. Neither was it the Kent Ridge-Sheares MAF celebration. The star of today is Mrs Heng, and how glad am I to see my beloved teacher again.

Mrs Heng is not your typical teacher, who do not emphasize on grades. In a society which is obssessed about grades chasing, she reminded us about the importance to pursue your dreams and excel in it. She is not merely a teacher, but an elder who I have immense respect for. With her around, somehow you will feel nothing is too serious to be upset about (including SC1101E).

One cannot help but wonder why did she suffer a massive burst of blood vessels in her brain. Thank God she recovered, and is no longer confined to the wheelchair. In any case, we are happy that she has recovered and we pray she will take care of herself.

God bless Mrs Heng!

think again 2

2009-10-10T14:13:00.006+08:00

Following up on issue #1, it is extremely tiring to deal with people who refuse to see the point. I almost exploded when one asked me to withdraw from hall. Staying in hall, or not, is a decision that outsiders do not have a say in.

Sometimes I do question why I find myself in such a situation and place. Is it really important? At the end, what purpose do I achieve and fulfill? I know there there is politicking in all organisations, but at the end of the day you only get a temporary satisfaction on your victory. No one can guarantee that you will not be owned the next round.

That is why I rather involve myself in ground-level Alumni activities such as the Heartstring Project. At least it is meaningful and makes a huge difference. I can contribute and help the needy students through the Heartstring Project. Some of you might be surprised that there are teenagers who have never stepped into Orchard Road or even a cinema for 13 years of their life. If you have never visit a one-room flat before in your life, you will never know of how hard life is for these families.

In comparison, it is better than dealing with people who twist the meaning of your words. They disregard your commitments. They want to be your utmost priority. I hope they know who they are dealing with, because I am not one who gives in easily. Even if I am not able to stay in hall next year, I will not subordinate myself to such demands.

KRODAC TIOMAN expedition 09/10

2009-10-10T04:27:00.001+08:00

Between 21 - 23 September 2009, KRODAC decided to visit Tioman for a getaway to enjoy/brace ourselves for whatever is coming after the recess week. In case you are wondering, here is a little information on us.

Kathleen, who is also a Red Swastikan.

Tammy, who is my OGmate for both Artscamp and hall orientation.

Bucky, my friend and comrade since FWOC days.

This is someone insignificant, so I shall skip him.

In a nutshell, here are the four founding members of KRODAC (established on 15 August 2009) who used to go out for supper almost every night before week 1 started our horrors in NUS. The trip of Tioman was spontaneously conceived over a supper at Maxwell Market, and somehow we actually stick to our plans for once. You see, KRODAC is about last minute decisions. Plans are subject to change, and to plan is to fail the plan.

This photo holds a special significance, in the sense that it is the first photo of us together. You see, the photos and videos we took at Henderson Waves are not exactly that clear and we were somehow masked at Hall DND. So I guess this counts as the first proper we had together.

One of the intended things we wish to do was to find the waterfall. Since the waterfall in Tioman is pretty far away in Paya, we decided to make do with the rockfall at Paya. Unfortunately, this sign led us to...

Nowhere. Now, it makes no sense that the rockfall is located on a tree! But eventually we realised the exact location of the rockfall, but the menacing monkeys forced us to retreat to the sea instead.

The focus here is not so much on the ladies, but rather the slime rocks revealed by the low tide. I guess this is the closest to a tsunami I have ever seen, and it looks rather devastating as it looks like a piece of wasteland.

It was not hard to climb the rocks, but it was rather slippery and there is a possibility of falling into the sea. But somehow, Tammy and I decided to climb up to the second highest rock.

Fearing that the tide will return soon, we decided to abort a plan to climb up to the peak. Instead, we took a photo with the setting sun.

Again, the highlight of the photos is not us but the sunset. It looks beautiful and almost breathtaking. I have seen many sunrises but seldom did I really take notice of sunset. Somehow, I recall what someone had told me before and I totally agreed with her words.

One of the highlights of our trip was out at sea fishing at night for 4 hours between 9pm - 1am, on a speedboat. The frustrating thing was the fishes in Tioman are too sly! One even bite off Tammy's line. Talk about having sharp teeth! Poor Kath could not join us for long, as she is not really in harmony with the choppy seas.

rock my bucky, on the tree top...

This series of photos marked our last memories of Paya Beach before we return to Singapore. We do realise that we seldom take group photos together, and hence we are trying our best to make up for it.

This is Paya Beach resort, where we stayed for the 3 days and 2 nights of adventure. Come to think of it, we spent quite a substantial amount of time resting in Tioman. We even watched District 9 and The Simpsons in our room!

Lalang, Tioman. As the ferry heads back to Tanjong Gemok jetty, it passed by this part of the island and I was reminded of the good old days I had with Benedict, Royston and the rest of the Prefectorial Board in 2001. We had so much fun then. I really miss the wonderful times we had together.

This pretty much sums up the trip, unless you are expecting all 500 photos online which is impossible. But this is not the end.

After the trip, Tammy is sweet enough to do this for us all (opportunity cost: 1.5hrs of studying) and I really appreciate it. If anyone woud ask me what is the greatest gift I have received from hall, it would be them. It is truly a blessing to have them around, and they are one of the few reasons that make my days in hall a worthy experience.

lights, camera, action!

2009-10-10T03:06:00.009+08:00

think again

2009-10-09T13:09:00.012+08:00

Preface
The author wish to express his understanding that everyone has their own problems, and below are some minor glitches he is facing.

Yes, as relaxed and cool as a banana as he seems to be, the author does have his fair share of issues to deal with. In case you do not know, Seng Kiat is a workalcoholic (according to Hong Chew, Raymond, Esmond, Jonathan and Nelson).

Issue #1: Knowing thy friend
It is getting on my nerves that people shoot off comments without bothering to check the validity of their statements. It is fine with me if it is an one-off incident, but it is very irresponsible if you keep harping on this point.

Look, you cannot judge a person merely based on the left profile of his face. Yes, you have a partial glimpse on how he looks like but that is not the full picture. Who is to say that he must have perfect complexion on the right by virtue that his left profile is flawless? He can always have a scar on the right profile.

For example, in the words of Ignatius, I 'seem very relaxed', knowing better than anyone else about the workload I am facing, in and beyond school. That is why Ignatius, Terrance and Dominic gave up on asking me out because I am always busy. Studies, volunteering time, 3 events to organise, alumni, and 3 tuition assignments - must I list them out as if I am publishing a court circular? I am not saying them out because I wish to take things in my stride, and I doubt any one would be interested in this anyway.

On the other hand, I found myself being flooded with more taks (not sure if because they think I am the best man for the job, or they think I have too much free time). I do not mind more work to do, as I am a workalcoholic and I am willing to help if I could. I do not mind if someone else takes credit for what I have done, but I do mind if my contributions and presence are totally ignored. At least 'thank you' is better than nothing. For your information, I look as if I have time to spare because I always try to find time to do what I am asked/made to do.

Oh, and there is this issue of twisting the meanings of my words entirely. If you seriously have no idea what I am referring to, please ask. It is not as if I would bite you for getting the wrong idea (even though others got it). If not, the key to get over this is just shut up and carry on with your own life.

Each individual has his or her own interpretation on what is important and worth preserving. Your values might be different from mine, but that does not mean I do not respect yours. In a similar fashion, I hope you can respect what I am doing even though you disapprove of my priorities.

Issue #2: Last Minute and Tales
Pardon me for being frank here, and I really tried my best to tone it down as much as possible. In any case, this is a reply to your questions.

You know, being stood up 11 times consecutively at the eleventh hour is not exactly a good feeling. Ever since the 5th incident, I always make it a point to ask you to check for any schedule conflict and you would tell me 'NO'.

With regards to the recent series "I cannot make it" texts from me, I do not wish to give empty words like you have been doing. In case you are wondering, 30 September was Terrance's birthday, 3 October was Esmond's birthday celebration and my nephew's wedding, and this week I am busy with studies.

You asked me why I could wait for Ben and co. for the steamboat dinner for 7hrs. The reason is simple: they are my secondary school friends who I really cherish. Besides, it is only an one-off incident as compared to your case which is almost habitual in nature.

More pertinently, I know they will never stood me up on my birthday. In fact, no one would. If not because of Chen Chao and Ingrid, I think my 8 November 2007 would have been ruined by you. I am not feeling sore about it since I am rather immune already.

You asked me why I did not reply to your texts. What do you expect me to reply when there is nothing for me to reply? You asked me how are things going and how are everybody else. How about a change, in the sense that you engage with them directly? With your interests at heart, it is better to do so before they disappear.

Then, you asked me why I refuse to tell you things. The thing is, it is pointless to say anything when you never listened. It is ironic now that you want me to speak, when I have nothing to say to you. I mean seriously, what purpose does it serve when I am virtually speaking to myself?

Why not, for a start, ask yourself what you are doing before you question me? And if you really have questions for me, please ask me yourself.

and they say grades do not matter

2009-10-07T15:05:00.002+08:00

And that's what my friends said. I do agree that education is for intellectual development, but grades do matter. It affects your morale and it does have an impact on your future career.

I can comprehend Terrance's feeling about his first assignment because I am pretty much in the same situation. The slight difference between us is that I have yet to receive my papers back, though I am expecting nothing good from what my tutor said so far about his tutorial classes in general. It does not help when you have every intention and passion to major in the subject, and in my case: Political Science.

I really hope I am not the person who scored 4/10 for my PS mid-term. On another note, I do hope I can achieve 4.0 for my CAP this semester - which seems unlikely for now.

oh my tian

2009-09-17T02:51:00.004+08:00

If I am to blog in Phoebe's mannerism, I would probably go:

RAWRRRRR! fever go away please :(

If I am to write in my own style, I would just say it feels sick to be sick.

But in any case, I am thankful for my friends for allowing me to vent out my frustrations today. This is the first time I am so stressed over studies for a long period of time. Ignatius, Bucky, Liming, Peijen, Serena, Jun Kai, (oddly) Crystal, and (even more oddly) Ken - I am grateful for the help today.

Oh, you might ask why the link to Phoebe. Well, I just realised I am extremely whiny today (no, it's not my usual self) today. And that is certainly not a good thing at all.

To be like Phoebe is like, oh my goodness gracious me!

ps1101e, i don't wish to give up on you

2009-09-17T01:16:00.003+08:00

Now I know why Wensheng switched to History when he was in Melbourne.

It is always good to be in the company of those you are comfortable with, and not what you want to do.

Do you remember then, we only had ourselves and wine,
the company we had, made us disconcerted with the cold, hard reality?

astro-palm reading

2009-09-11T14:40:00.008+08:00

Serena thought it would be interesting to do a astro-palm reading, and hence David and I were pulled to Master Khor's stall at Central Forum after our shopping spree at Central Forum. After losing a round of scissors-paper-stone which was interpreted as God's will, I ended up being the one doing it first before Serena.

Before I dive into the results obtained from a session of intensive eye contact with Master Khor, he began the session with the Subway question. What is subway question, you might ask.

Do you have a matric card or are you a professor here?

Serena and David almost died from laughing when they heard his question. Anyway, here are the results of the future he saw in my hands. He began with career as I am a career man, in his view.

Career

Career man or at the very least, a career conscious/minded person
An intellectual who is extremely particular about details and 'bloody determined'
Palm lines indicate that I am working for leisure and I am one who enjoys life
Should be a lecturer or engage in fields relating to research, planning, organisation, education, business, communications and science
Should start planning my life now as my obsession with details may blind me from seeing the greater picture

Love and Family

Should get myself married and not stay single; predicted marriage age at 29 or 32
A family-oriented man who will be a strict and no nonsense father to my children
As I enjoy life, I should find someone who loves to enjoy life and have fun together
I must not find a wife who is fierce if not I will be henpecked and be dominated by her
Since I am an intellectual, I must find a lady who is also an intellectual. It is said that I cannot stand someone who is "dumb or I will dump her"
For certain reasons I foresee will end up in Facebook and I am not keen to explain, I must find a lady who is sexy and sexually compatible

Personal Details

A very nice person (thus should not find a dominating wife)
Emotional person
Logical and rational

I am not going to read too much into it (self-fulfilling prophecy theory) though Serena and David thought it was accurate and true, except for one part which has always been said about Scorpios. That random part ended my session with a big bang for both of them, and I certainly don't see myself in that light.

I did not exactly really hear what he said about Serena, but General Paper (and Arts Camp) has taught me to extract the important points which are essential for entertainment purposes. So here is what he said about Serena:

Loves exotic men (immediately, I thought of her battalion-size number of Indian friends and Africans)
Will be embroiled in a love triangle
Will be a leader in her career with many subordinates

That's a pretty interesting read, isn't it?

And oh, did I mention that prior to Serena's session and when Serena was trying to take out her matric card, he stopped her and told her there was no need to as he trusted her?

Hmm.

Do you remember that year, the cold, hard winter of 1234?
Have you forgotten our burning passion, the flame that kept our dreams alive?

her words

2009-09-08T23:59:00.013+08:00

I was startled when I read this paragraph in a Dear John letter.

"i couldnt tell if i have the special person in ur life... i wish to believe that i am but somehow i feel uneasy whenever i see u helping everyone... i cant help but question my significance to u... u are there always for me but u belong to everyone who noes u. how do i distinguish my status from others??"

Since when is it a crime to help your friends who are in need? If she has been neglected as a result of excessive happy times with friends, it is understandable. But helping others is a perplexing question, so much so I think I need Plato to analyse it.

If only she knew that he would do everything and anything for her, without her asking. But it is all too late.

Then there is flashback, a moment so dear.
A chapter of decades back, that is so memorable and clear.

impression and impressed

2009-09-07T02:31:00.004+08:00

I am impressed by one of my senior's insight about me, considering how little and how seemingly insignificant our conversations have been so far. Somehow, I developed enormous respect for her after I heard what she told a common friend.

*

Everyone have their problems, and some might really be more grave than others. But do respect the fact that the perception of one's problem is judged according to his or her own standard, and the level of internalizing it. I do not think it is fair for you to blast off her problem to be of "lesser importance" compared to your problem.

Be sensitive. This is a gentle reminder that everyone have their fair share of burdens and worries. What they need is support, encouragement and love. The last thing they ever need in such times is to be put down by people who they thought they could trust.

*

On a separate note, I am rather amused by someone's distrust in our friend's efficiency. I do agree with the ideas that the entire project is motivated by self-interest rather than for the greater good. That said, it is always to find fault with others. Have you ever try organising an event, even at a lesser scale? If you do not, then question yourself if you have been a conscientious effort to be active and contribute your fair share of effort.

Do not get me wrong. I am not defending the inefficient person here. Nobody trusts the organising committee and I understand why. But I am fairly irritated by one's ranting that he could have done better if left to his care, and that he really badly wants the event to be a success. If you think you can do a better job, show it. Take the initiative and stop talking. Walk the talk, period.

At the end of the day, it will be someone else doing the job.

*

Vintage is the time, long past our prime.
There rings the chime, heralding the past period dime.

SKW

2009-09-06T23:09:00.006+08:00

I never knew I have such a great 'significance' on other people's life, like I am to KR-ODAC and Esmond. At least, that is from Bucky's description on Facebook and on Esmond's Facebook note that I am tagged in.

On my Facebook profile:
Tan was appointed "Minister For Slave Labor & Saikang" in the group KR O-DEAD/DAC.

On Esmond's Facebook Note:
→ If you had never met 6 (Tan Seng Kiat), how would your life be different?
I will be the SAI KANG warrior liao lo

Well said. But that is weird. I am supposedly senior to him in rank. Hmm.

-

On a separate note, I think I have sixth sense. I could sense trouble approaching, so i went out to my room. There and then, I saw Kath and Yuting.

I came (out of my room), I saw (TRH) and was enslaved (by TRH).

G10 Overseas

2009-08-30T22:39:00.005+08:00

It is interesting to note how far we have travelled, and how far we are intending to travel. And it is not surprising that Mallery (the adventurous dog whistle-skydiver) was the one who suggested both a preusem overseas trip and Japan.

Chong Heng (the Chinese who is a closet German) brought it further when we were discussing about continents in the world, and naturally Europe came to his mind. More specifically, he wants to visit Europe.

Taiwan and Hong Kong remain on the discussion table. But we will be booking the tickets soon if we are really going. No doubt is being casted here, but it seems we are out to burn one another's pockets.

And how cool it is that all these sprung out from our initial plan for a chalet and BBQ for Amelia.

I have no objection so long we are together. But where are we going?

That is the question.

same mistake

2009-08-29T13:23:00.006+08:00

Terrance: "Both of you have such a complicated web of relationship."

That is the dominant, if not inevitable, theme that my best friends always have comments on.

A conversation in the wee hours of the morning with ODAC has revised my policy towards a certain individual who was once close and dear to me. I am not suggesting that I will adopt an aggressive approach, but rather an indifferent attitude.

There are certain ongoing issues with a particular individual that I am having with, and trust me it is not that lovely and happy. For instance, I could not believe that I allowed myself to be stood up on my birthday, and to be stood up on 9 consecutive occasions which I was asked out for. It leaves me doubt on whether this person is a friend, or am I just a convenient hotline who is there 24/7.

I do not wish to play the blaming game that led to our situation today because both of us have our own faults. Perhaps the accusation in the game might be true, but does it really help us out from the situation? Blame is only useful in circumstances when you wish to find what is the root cause, and when you have the intention to rectify the problem. In our case, I doubt it has any merit.

For the past year, I have been asked if I will forgive this person - even by the person herself. To be honest, I do not know what is there for me to forgive. The numerous 'sorry' that appeared in my MSN conversations and phone texts serve little purpose. Why?

You see, no one is perfect and therefore no one is blameless throughout his or her lifetime. We strive to be perfect in whatever we do, but inevitably there will be some point in your life you will make someone unhappy in what you do - be it at school, work or even marriage.

A Carmelite priest's homily struck a chord within me when I was at the Church of Saints Peter and Paul in June this year. If we retain the trespasses that others have made against us, who are we then to hope for giveness from God? More importantly, God's unconditional love is so great that He forgives anything and everything. The priest also added that to forgive is also to forget.

As I reflected on my past actions, I realised I did wrong to others before and they have forgiven me. So what is there that I cannot forgivem, when others have accepted that I made a mistake and forgot about it? We all yearn for forgiveness for the wrongs that we did, so why do you want to deny someone else the forgiveness that he or she wants? I am not sure if the above thought makes sense. Perhaps it seems to be rather idealistic, and I admit it is hard not to hold grudges. But that should not deter us from trying to do so.

That said, I do not deny that for a period of time, I was rather anguish about it. Okay, perhaps it was more than mere anguish. I probably thought I did not want to have any association with this person anymore. No one really knew what happened, because I tried to internalise it.

Eventually, I have to let it out somehow and I have to thank Hong Chew, Jonathan, Chen Chao and Cheryl for that. It is great to have them around when I need someone to talk to, anytime and anywhere. I recalled the two texts Cheryl had sent in the wake of the tide of the events last year, and I am especially grateful for it.

"it takes time sk. come on. its about listening to what i say too! i mean it! u gotta better urself by internalising everything that people say cos ur own mind and heart can't do what i just what it wants to or else u might as well give in and be utterly depressed. but i know ur stronger than that, and believe that u are great and if its meant to be it will be IN TIME"

"stop thinking so far. u should only handle the NOW. cos if u think so far and so much, its only gonna hurt u more at this moment"

In retrospect, it was a contradicting, if not ironic, feeling for me. I was furious, immolated and scarred. Yet at the same time, I was there whenever that person needed a listening ear. Somehow, I cannot bring myself to be mean.

More than a year has passed and I can safely say that I am well past over whatever has happened. Mistakes are unavoidable in life, and everyone deserves a second chance. But the truth about forgiveness is that it takes time.

warning

2009-08-26T23:29:00.002+08:00

You know, the last thing I ever want to do is to get angry and burst out. The precise point about it is that I will make it an unpleasant scene, and trust me nobody - including myself - likes to see that.

The point here is not to tell you "oh sk is so scary" or whatever nonsense. It is a reminder that I am a mortal. I have emotions and patience towards certain things. Even though I may not take offence to most issues, there are certain demarcation marks that have to be observed.

Do not commit kamikaze. Think before you act or speak.

August Updates

2009-08-26T02:47:00.008+08:00

School has barely started and I have yet to meet my friends despite all the intention and attempts to do so. I never expected that this is harder than national service, when the days were much more easier.

I understand that sooner or later, I will be sucked into this vortex labelled "hall life". While I am enjoying every moment of it, somehow I do think it is harder to meet my friends beyond NUS. While I do not say it, I do cherish your company and support. You know who you are.

There is something I have been doing alone, and I guess I only have myself in this (I couldn't get my friends to do these for me, could I?). How I am going to balance my commitments is indeed a trial for myself. I need to balance my family life, involvement in hall, friends and activities within and beyond NUS, as well as tuition and the Alumni.

Whenever I say yes to a certain person or an activity, I will try my best to give my full support and dedication. I am not going to give up on my commitments just because I am in a new environment. It is irresponsible for me to do so, without trying to balance it out. For example, I cannot say I am not giving tuition because it is too far from NUS or it is hectic for me. I promised to help out and I shall go all the way out. It is not a job, but a dedication.

There are certain things that are done without any explanation, and speculative talks rise out from nowhere. I have no opinion on this matter, though I wish sometimes things could be more clear than what it seems to be. Then again, does it really matter?

There are more things to say but I guess it is best to keep them prviate for now.

Why do you want to test my patience when I told you not to do so? You just wouldn't listen, would you?

blueprint for fass ay09/10

2009-07-11T21:55:00.006+08:00

In a few weeks time, I will embark on a new chapter in my life.

However it is not that smooth sailing so far. I mean, there are a few dilemmas which I have caught myself in due to my prospective choices.

I would really wish to read GEK1542 Forensic Science, but unfortunately its examination date clashes with my PS1101E Political Science examination schedule. Sensibility tells me not to sacrifice my intended major for a general education module, which I can well do it next year.

Alternatively, I can always do GEK1520 Understanding the Universe. I always have a keen interest for the planets and the stars, but I think it is rather risky as I heard from Angeline it is a hard one.

After the General Education Modules (GEM), the other headache is with Singapore Studies Modules (SSM). Nation Building seems to be a giveaway, since I am a History student. But on the other hand, I think Singapore Society seems easier. I don't know why.

What is definite is that I intend to read Political Science and, Communications and New Media. I have forsaken NTU Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information (NTU WKWSCI)'s offer for my passion in Political Science, and a second major in CNM is to fulfill the regrets I have for NTU WKWSCI.

But the thought of doing double major itself sounds intidimating. I must ensure that I will do well enough to qualify, with a minimum CAP of 3.5 (average B grades). This may mean that I might have to read 5 exposure modules instead of 4 exposure modules in FASS. It is important for me to design my layout now so I will not find myself screwed in 4 years time.

IF I have to do read 5 exposure modules, I think it would be: Politial Science, CNM, Chinese Studies, Sociology and European Studies. Hopefully, I will be able to maintain a CAP of at least 4 in my first year.

No Deal

2009-06-23T02:30:00.000+08:00

Let me start off by declaring my personal interest in a a certain business venture. For some, it may be hailed as the new trade of 21st century. Whatever the name you associate it with, there is no way you can deny that they are of the same persuasion.

I have been asked by quite a number of friends to get involve in this activity, which unfortunately does not interest me at all. Right out from the start, I have stated my stand that I will never get myself into this whirlwind.

Someone once told me that this marketing strategy will be the new global phenomenon in the economic market. I beg to disagree with serious doubts. Perhaps it will be a hot trade, given the number of people it attracts.

I am not an economist but this is my theory. The trade will be saturated by the swelling numbers one day, that it will eventually make it hard for these 'entrepreneurs' to sell their products to the same consumer market. No doubt, companies employing such strategy may diversify their products and investments, but who are they kidding when they promise skyrocketing profits? The basis for such companies to earn more profits is to have more subordinate members under the leading member, who will in turn absorb a share of the subordinates' efforts. To be plain, the success of this strategy requires a large membership base and indeed, the more you have on your sales team, the more you earn.

Another question is, once everyone starts joining this lucrative train, who will be the consumer market? It is clear that those who earn supernormal profits are those who pulled you into the venture in the first place.

Moreover, the idea that presented to me that you are your own boss is a joke. Look at the prymaid structure and you will realise you are a subordinate to your leader. In reality, no organisation - be it a business firm or a nation - is without a hiearchy. For all intents and purposes,even if you set up your own business venture, your boss is your client. You still have to do what is required from the client.

If I have to find a common ground with what I was presented with, that would be the notion that if you work hard, you will be rewarded with the results. Yes, I do agree very much with this 'You reap what you sow' idealogy.

Having said this far, I do not dislike my friends just because they engage in this type of business model. My view is that what works for them might not be what works for me. Every individual is unique and talented in their own ways, and certainly I am not cut out for sales. Why I say so is because I would never ask my friends to buy my own products, and definitely I would not invite them to join in a venture that I am not confident in. Indeed, how can you convince someone when you are not convinced yourself?

That said, however, I am particularly angry at one friend who suggested that I may wish to sell the idea to my father and ask his contacts to buy the products. When he learnt that I have a sister, he went as far as to ask me to consider letting my sister to do business with him.

I seriously think this person has went beyond the line of introducing a business venture, which was the sole purpose of the numerous calls. In fact, we have not talked for 4 years and he started to call me only after he got my contact number early this year.

Let this be clear once and for all that I am not interested in this business venture.

*Note: Please note that whatever economic theories and business views highlighted in the post is the writer's personal opinion and should not be taken as an academic or authoritative review on this business model.

The writer would also like to clarify that he has nothing against business opportunities offered to him by his friends. He is grateful for their sharing sessions but he is simply not interested in the abovementioned ventures.

sk, the sexiest scorpio apt ever met

2009-06-17T01:37:00.004+08:00

Here is the battle and exchange of words between:
1) sk, the sexiest scorpio and best matchmaker APT ever met; and,
2) apt, the worst trouble maker around in this century

We are really bored.

the case of WKWSCI v FASS

2009-06-12T16:29:00.007+08:00

Have I have been wise in my choice of university course?

Do not get me wrong. I am not regretting my selection of NUS FASS. I am still determined to do Political Science or History in FASS, for now that is.

But I can't help but allow my mind to wander to NTU WKWSCI. After all, communication studies may open a totally different world (school environment, people, subjects and industry etc). I would love to do communication research or journalism in NTU WKWSCI, if I have chosen NTU.

There are many things I wish to be. The opportunities offered by FASS and WKWSCI are rather similar, save for the path of communication research. If I do find myself majoring in Communications and New Media in NUS, that is a self-slap for all intents and purposes.

Terrance said how could I be wrong when I followed my heart. That is true. But, I think my heart lacks communication with my brain.

In God We Trust

2009-06-11T01:22:00.003+08:00

The abrupt news took me completely off guard, and it is so unexpected that it never occur to me in my wildest dreams. I was anticipating something better, but now I am at a total loss of what to say.

But I know that God is my help. And I lift up my Hope in my prayers, in confidence that the good old Lord, who is ever faithful to the righteous regardless of faith and creed, will nourish us all with His blessings made of love and mercy.

Forgive us for our trespasses, and protect us from all dangers. Grant us your protection and give us peace. As unworthy as we are, fill our hearts with the flames of holiness and justice. Bless us with your infinite goodness and assure us everything will turn out fine.

So help us God, we pray. Amen.